I will always be with you - Clexa AU
by LadyClexa
Summary: Soulmates will always find each other. Maybe someday. When Lexa and Clarke owe nothing more to their people. ... This story is about an alternative universe where Clarke goes to a new school and meets some people, that are really familiar - including Lexa. Will they remember who they were? And the more important thing is - will their past change their present life?
1. Chapter 1: A new beginning

**Hello there. :)**

I am happy that you found my fanfiction about Clarke and Lexa (Clexa) in an AU with some new perspectives and possibilities.  
Just a little information before: English is not (!) my first language, so be prepared for some grammatical or spelling mistakes.  
I am trying my best to avoid them.

I will change the point of view very often, just to make sure that every side of the story is examined.  
Sentences _in italics_ mark the thoughts of the respective person.

I would be very happy about some reviews. :)

Enjoy reading the story and **may we meet again!**

* * *

 **Clarke POV  
**  
The first day here. Today she will be going to the new school for the first time and Clarke was more nervous than she was ever before in her entire life. While standing in front of the mirror in her room she already heard her mum driving away with the car. Probably to the hospital where she worked as one of the general surgeons.  
 _Relax, Griffin, this is just like the other 100 times you went to a new school. Everything will be fine and if not… it won't be for too long._ Her mum never stayed long at one city since Clarke's father died and Clarke – of course – always moved with her.  
Just another school like all the schools before. Some people who are nice, some people who are the opposite of nice, but after all this time moving from city to city and through different states of America or continents of the world Clarke was not even interested in finding friends at all. It never last long enough to even build something like a friendship to somebody.  
After putting on her clothes – clothes that always helped her not sticking out – she went downstairs, took her bag and left the house. The weather was mild, cloudy but not too cold although there was a constant spring-breeze that made her blonde hair gently move from side to side. Clarke sighed and crossed the street that was full of cars on their way to school or work or somewhere else. _The wind of change…what an ironic thought._ Unlike most of the others Clarke preferred to just walk to school instead of driving by car, most of all because she lived near downtown and second of all she needed the fresh air today to calm down before entering the school for the first time.

"You must be Clarke Griffin, our new student from Sydney. Welcome to Arcadia Mills Highschool. My name is Irina Chester, nice to meet you." The secretary of the school, who seemed to be around 50 years old, smiled in a friendly way and handed over some papers, which included Clarke's new timetable, a small map and some information about the school. Clarke smiled back and nodded. "Nice to meet you, too, thank you", she answered politely.  
"I asked one of the students of your class to help you out the first few days, just to make sure that you will find the right classes and all the other things. She should have been here 5 minutes ago but… well", Mrs. Chester shrugged as if it was no surprise that this girl was late, "I suggest you just go and wait for her outside, I need to finish some paperwork here." With these words she went back to her desk and Clarke left the small secretary. Still nervous she looked down the hallway of the school, totally aware of the curious faces that turned to her while she stood there and waited for her personal guide. "Clarke?" A pretty girl with a long and smooth dark-brown ponytail walked through the hallway towards Clarke and had a friendly but also curious smile on her lips. When she saw that Clarke turned around, she seemed to feel a bit more self-confident about the situation, while Clarke still was a bit unsure what to do. "Hi. I am Raven Reyes and I have the feeling that I am your personal guide through the mystical halls of Arcadia Mills Highschool." The girls smile widened to a grin that was kind of contagious. _Raven._ Clarke could swear to herself that she heard that name before but she was not able to remember from where. Probably just a common name like her own name. "Hey Raven. I think that is the best idea ever, because…" Clarke pointed on the map the secretary gave to her, "my sense of orientation is the worst. Worse than the one of a toast, if you ask my mum." Raven laughed and Clarke could not help but laugh herself. "Alright then, Clarke, follow me. Mrs. Chester told me that our timetables are nearly the same so… our first lesson is physics, yay."  
Raven guided Clarke to the part of the school that included all the rooms for the subjects about natural sciences. "Here we go", Raven said and went into the room without hesitating.

Most of the other students seemed to be already there – thanks to Raven being a bit late today – and the teacher immediately (and unfortunately) recognized Clarke as the new student.  
"Ahhh, hold on, you must be our new student from far away Australia. Welcome welcome. My name is Mr. Sinclair and I hope you have a good time here." With a small but this time more shy smile, Clarke thanked him, handed over one of the papers she got from the secretary and sat down next to Raven, who saved her a place in the second row. "Don't worry, Clarke, Mr. Sinclair is really nice", she whispered, while Clarke let her gaze slowly wander around to look at the other students. _So far so good._ Until now everything seemed to start a bit better than before in Sydney but you should never count your chickens before they are hatched. At least that is what her mother always told her.

"Clarke, over here, heeey!" Raven's hand waved enthusiastically through the air when Clarke entered the small cafeteria of Arcadia Mills Highschool and searched for a place to sit down. With a relieved feeling she went over to the table where Raven sat with some other students Clarke did not know. "Hey, Raven, you did not promise too much, she is indeed cute", the boy who sat next to Raven commented and immediately got gently slapped by another girl sitting on the other side of him. "Don't you dare, Bellamy Blake", the girl mumbled but her eyes sparkled of joy. "Ohhh, careful Bellamy, she used your full name", a dark-blonde girl on the other side of the table said with a grin on her face. Clarke could not help but chuckle a bit while she sat down at the table and Raven and some of the others joined her, although Raven's eyes showed a sign of provocation. "You guys are outrageous and you are going to make Clarke run away if you go on like that", she complained and sighed theatrical. "Well Clarke, these idiots here", she made a gesture with her hand that included everyone at the table, "are what I call my friends. Over there, my wonderful friend Octavia Blake and her charming brother Bellamy" – Octavia rolled her bright eyes when she heard Raven's description about Bellamy and Bellamy grinned even more – "then Lincoln Woods, who is Octavia's boyfriend" – he seemed really nice and smiled in a friendly way at Clarke – "Harper McIntyre" – the dark-blonde and tough looking girl who now raised her hand as a greeting-symbol – "and the others are currently not here but I bet you will meet them sooner or later, this school is smaller than it seems." Everyone at the table had an own special way of showing Clarke that she was welcome here and because of that she could not help but feel really good. The only thing that was really weird was the fact that they seemed familiar, although Clarke did not know why. They probably just were friendlier than all the other people Clarke met earlier in her life and on different high schools. It was not like Clarke was an outsider all the time but because of her short time on every school she never had the opportunity to get to know the others and build stronger friendships that last. Not even speaking of a real relationship.  
But with these people it was different. Although Clarke did not know them at all, she had the weird feeling that she somehow did know them. That she somehow was connected to them. …

Clarke's first week in school was unexciting and pretty normal. When she was not in a class with Raven there was always somebody else of the group of friends she was now part of and it felt really good to finally have some fun at high school and friends she could talk to and count on.


	2. Chapter 2: Confusion

**Clarke POV**

"Will you come over later, Clarke? We meet at the Woods-house and have a nice evening together or something." Octavia – who appeared to be a self-confident and very stubborn friend – looked at Clarke with her cute and somehow puppy-like gaze. "Please say yes or else you will miss something!" She grabbed Lincoln's hand, when he appeared next to her. To say no to Octavia was kinda impossible, but Clarke hesitated a bit. On the one hand she was really curious, above all because of the cool houses Harper told her about. The Woods – including Lincoln and his cousin Lexa – shared a big house a bit outside the city at the shore with another girl called Anya Timber and in the same street was also the house of the Blake-siblings, who shared a house with Raven and the smaller house of Harper's family. Clarke did not know what lead her friends to this unusual but kind of cool living situation, but she was unsure if she was ready for a night out, especially because she did not know Lincoln's cousin Lexa and her friend Anya. All she heard about them so far was not as nice as she hoped it would be. Unlike her friends, Lexa and Anya were more like the "it-girls" of the school, too pretty and popular to hang out with girls like Clarke. Plus the way to the houses at the shore was like 25 minutes long with the car from where Clarke lived. "Well… Octavia I don't know. My mom has to work at the hospital the whole weekend… she won't be able to drive me to your place and I don't have my own car yet."  
 _What's wrong with me? I mean… they just wanna spend a nice evening together, why do I feel like this, hesitating? They are my friends. Griffin, you damned coward._  
"Ohhh come on Clarke, we will find a solution! Somebody can pick you up or something, please!" Octavia grabbed the hand of the blonde, still teasing her with this puppy-gaze. "Please!" Lincoln shook his head in amusement and looked at Clarke. "Actually I think that Lexa might be able to pick you up later. My cousin, remember? She will be in town a bit longer after school so that you have enough time to pick up your stuff. Plus… you could for sure stay overnight, our house is big enough." His voice was calm as always and his dark eyes kind of helped Clarke to focus on what she wanted to do. Combined with the cute face of Octavia it was just not possible for Clarke to say no. Not anymore. "Fine", she finally agreed with a sigh, "tell your cousin I will be ready later for her to pick me up." While Octavia was as happy as a kid on Christmas Eve, Lincoln nodded in agreement and both of them left Clarke alone in the hallway of the school. "Damn it", Clarke whispered. Now she agreed with something she was actually not feeling comfortable with. _But why not?_ First… She did not know Lexa and Anya. _What if they were really as unfriendly as others told her? Oh come on, Griffin, lift your gaze and don't behave like an idiot. You will survive a stupid ride in Lexa's car and then you are surrounded by your good friends and don't have to talk to her at all._  
But what was this strange feeling she had all the time she heard Lexa's name? As if this name was connected to something deep inside her, something she was just not able to remember right now.

 **Lexa POV**

"Seriously? Oh Lincoln, I still do have so much to do, can't you pick her up yourself? … Yeah. So Octavia is buying the alcohol? Okay fine, I'll do it then. Just because it's you. See you later, bye." Lexa dropped her phone, started her car again and drove through the city, in the direction of the street Lincoln told her before. She never really met Clarke before, just saw her in the school but they never talked or something. All Lexa knew was that she was part of the group of friends surrounding her cousin Lincoln now, but Lexa stopped spending as much time with them as she used to after…  
"Oh that's the right house", she said to herself, parked the car in front of the garage. 5 steps, then she rang the door and waited.

 **Clarke POV**

 _Oh damn it. That must be Lexa already!_ And Clarke did neither call her mother to ask her if she was allowed to stay overnight at the Woods-house nor did she complete packing her stuff. "Hold on, I'm nearly downstairs!", she shouted, put on a pretty t-shirt she bought in her last week in Sydney and rushed downstairs to open the door. In front of her stood a beautiful girl with sea-green, bright eyes, long, wavy and brown hair and a beautiful face that showed no sign of expression right now. Clarke was unsure what was going on with her but suddenly she was unable to move. Breathless. She just stared at Lexa like an idiot, unable to look away. It was like her eyes were enchanting Clarke somehow. _Lexa..._

It was Lexa who broke the silence, as if she felt nothing weird like Clarke did. "Hey. Lincoln asked me to pick you up, are you ready?", she asked, her voice sounded a bit bored and stressed. Clarke swallowed twice until she finally found her voice again. "I need 2 minutes, if you don't mind. Come in and have a seat, I'll hurry, promise." Her voice sounded unfamiliar, a bit stammering and shy. Unusual to the normal Clarke, who was not the most self-comfortable person, but also never really shy. Before Lexa could even answer something, Clarke ran back upstairs and packed her things. When she came back to Lexa, the other girl was sitting on one of the kitchen chairs and looked at her with the same expressionless face like before. Clarke could not help but think about Lexa's thoughts. "There you are", Lexa said, stood up and went to the door. "Let's go, the party is waiting for us already."

The drive in the car was not as bad as Clarke imagined it to be. They barely spoke, but the silence was not something that made Clarke feel uncomfortable. Lexa was surprisingly good at being quiet with Clarke, although she seemed to be a bit interested in her life before she came here. "All this must be so boring for you. Sydney is so big compared to here. Our parties are smaller. And we do have so much nature here." The brunette took a deep breath, as if there was something else she was thinking about. "Don't you miss your old home, Clarke?" Clarke shrugged and turned her head to Lexa, whose gaze was focused on the street. Now that she looked at the other girl, she was unable to look away again. Although Clarke tended to never speak about her real feelings to somebody she barely knew, she had the weird feeling that she could trust Lexa with her thoughts.  
"I do miss Sydney from time to time, yes. Above all the view we had from our flat. The lights in the middle of the night. The water… the opera house. But on the other side I start to like my life here, too. I already found so many nice friends, a place where I could feel at home. We moved very often, I never had the chance to find friends, you know?" As an answer, the brunette just nodded and kept quiet. She was probably unsure what to say to Clarke to make her feel better or something. Clarke knew that it was not easy to understand that lifestyle if you have not lived it yourself. After 5 more minutes driving on the road they finally arrived at the Woods-house. Lexa parked her car in the garage and showed Clarke the way inside. "You can drop your bag over there for now. I bet the others are next door." For some reason Lexa did not look directly at Clarke anymore and seemed to keep herself busy with something in the kitchen that was nearby. The blonde hesitated in the doorframe and watched her writing something on a paper, before she made a step forward. "Uhm…Lexa?" Hearing her name the brunette turned around, this time their eyes met again, leaving Clarke breathless for a second.  
Every part of Lexa's face was really pretty, especially her bright eyes, but what somehow made Clarke worry the most was the fact that she immediately tried to find something in Lexa's emotionless gaze. Why? She did not even know Lexa that well. Why was there this strange feeling that told her that there was so much more behind the facade? Still in thoughts Clarke then swallowed before she finally said: "Thank you for driving me here. I guess I'll see you later?" – "Probably. Anya and I will join you guys later. As soon as you go down to the sea."  
Even though Lexa's voice was cold and neutral as always, Clarke was more than sure that the other one hesitated for a second, before she answered. Eventually turning around Clarke left the Woods-house and went next door. She felt like she missed something. Something really important. Or maybe…someone?

"Heeeey, Clarke! Finally! We already thought Lexa forgot to pick you up or something!" Clarke was hugged by Octavia, who opened the door and guided Clarke to the big living room of the house. Actually the whole house was more than impressive. Everything was decorated with bright colors and with a designer-style and it looked like some celebrities could live here… or at least somebody who was really rich. Clarke also noticed that it had a similar decoration-style like the Woods-house. "And you really live here on your own, I mean…", Clarke started to ask, but Raven, who now stood up from the couch with a big smile, interrupted her: "Yeah, we do. The Blake parents live somewhere else and bought this big house for Bell and Octavia and I… well let's just say they kind of adopted me and begged me to move in." This sentence was followed by a chuckle – a familiar one – when Bellamy came over and sat down on the couch, next to Clarke. "Actually it was the other way around", he added, "but what would we do without our wonderful, precious, amazing and genius Raven, huh?" Clarke saw Raven sticking out her tongue and Octavia let out a sigh. "Come on guys, behave like grown-ups for once, okay?" – "Grown-ups? I thought this was Neverland! I'm definitely wrong here, help me", Harper laughed and everyone joined her.

The evening was really nice and while they drank some alcohol together, Clarke relaxed even more. Lincoln and Octavia organized a spontaneous barbecue on their private area at the shore behind the houses and when Jasper and Monty joined them, the group was almost complete. Only Lexa and Anya were not around. While Clarke was one of the more sober one's, Raven was already completely drunk and she appeared to be one of these girls, who got very clingy when they are drunk. "Oh Clarke I swear, you smell like heaven and I will never let you go. You're definitely my soulmate. I knew that the moment I first saw you in the hallway", she babbled kind of incomprehensible and came closer to Clarke to hug her even tighter. Octavia, who cuddled with Lincoln, could not help but grin and suppress a laugh, but her eyes showed some kind of compassion. "I am so sorry, I should have told you." She formed these words with her lips, although Clarke was sure that Raven – in her current situation – would not even notice if somebody started to talk about her.  
"Let's just say I got used to it by now", Clarke laughed and changed her position so that Raven could place her head in her lap. "So you met my cousin today? What do you think? I bet she scared you to death", Lincoln started, focusing on Clarke now. "Lexa? Oh… well no, I think she was nice." – "Nice? Come on, Clarke, just because she's Lincoln's cousin you don't have to lie. Everyone here knows how cold Lexa can be. She's like… the ice-queen or something", Octavia interrupted and shrugged. Octavia was probably right. Lexa did not say that much… just the things that were absolutely necessary. And polite small talk, of course. "You know that she's been through a lot", Lincoln added quietly, looking at his girlfriend. For Clarke it was nearly unable to understand these words, but even without understanding, something inside Clarke told her to protect Lexa. "No, I'm serious. I like her. She was nice." Before Octavia could prove her wrong, the blonde let her gaze wander over the small area of the shore, where all her friends were sitting together, watching the sunset. It was more peaceful than everything else Clarke ever experienced. At least she thought that, until this feeling started to appear in her stomach again. Loneliness. She was surrounded by all her friends, this sunset was more than beautiful and everyone was happy but still… something was missing.


	3. Chapter 3: Stuck in the past

**Lexa POV**

Side by side with Anya, as always, Lexa left the house just to see their friends relaxing at the shore, watching the sunset. It was indeed really beautiful tonight – if you are into sunsets. "See? Told ya, Lex. We aren't late." Anya linked arms with Lexa and pulled her over to the group. The brunette recognized, that they kind of split up into pairs or group of three or four people. Harper kissed Monty just when they arrived, while Jasper talked to Bellamy; Octavia and Lincoln were cuddling but her eyes wandered on until… there she was. _Clarke._ She wore her gold-blonde hair in beautiful curls now, probably Harper's creation. Lexa saw, that she was talking to Octavia and Lincoln, Raven's head rested in her lap and she seemed to be really satisfied with her current situation. Completely different from the Clarke she met earlier today.

"Hey, are you dreaming, Lex?" Anya snapped her fingers in front of Lexa's face and smiled in a sassy way. "I just suggested that you should go over there to Clarke and talk to her while I try to get Raven into her bed." A horrified mien appeared on Lexa's face. "You did what?" – "No need to thank me, bestie, but you could need a nice chat and this Clarke-girl seems to be friendly. Go over there and enjoy yourself while I try to rescue Reyes before Bellamy has his hands on her." With these words she went towards the others. "Mind if I steal your girlfriend, Griffin?", Anya said with her typical voice that tolerated no ifs and buts. The next thing that happened was Anya carrying Raven towards the Blake-house.

Now Lexa felt a bit sorry for Clarke. She saw the blonde following Anya with her eyes, until Clarke recognized that Lexa herself also arrived. The way Clarke's facial expression changed from confused to a super cute and (maybe even a bit relieved?) smile was breathtaking. _Come on, Woods, get your ass over there, conceal do not feel and – most important thing ever – stop staring._ Lexa followed her own orders and found herself sitting next to the blonde just a moment after. Now that Octavia and Lincoln were 'busy', she had Clarke all on her own. "Sorry, Anya can be a bit…"

 **Clarke POV**

"…terrifying?", she completed Lexa's sentence and saw a small smile appear on the other one's face, just for a second, although the beautiful eyes did not show any sign of amusement. They stayed cold. "Very", Lexa agreed and nodded. "Up for a drink?", she asked Clarke and showed her the bottle of vodka she carried with her. _Oh damn._ The alcohol Clarke's stomach tolerates the worst. But still she felt herself nod automatically. Lexa took the first slug of the bottle and handed it over to Clarke. "Drink up, Griffin and welcome here." The alcohol burned down her throat, but Clarke took another slug. Connected with the other alcohol Clarke drank before, she felt that dizzy feeling appearing in her head.

"I can't believe you two drank so much! Lexa! Look at her, she's a complete mess right now. Poor Clarke." _Ouch._ The pain in Clarke's head came unprepared, while she opened her eyes carefully, trying to find out where she was. _Oh… still at the shore and… What?_ Her head rested in Lexa's lap. Speaking of which, Lexa started to talk in that moment, before Clarke could even react. "You recovered quickly from your own drunkenness, huh? And she's fine, Raven. Oh and by the way – she is old enough to know her limit!" – "At least I am sober enough to see what you are doing here. Again. Of all the people, especially YOU should know how fucking dangerous alcohol can be!", Raven snapped. Whatever Raven referred to, Clarke felt how Lexa's posture stiffed and her grasp that still hold the blonde's back, hardened. "I am more than capable of taking care when it comes to alcohol", Lexa snapped back, "…and don't you dare mentioning it ever again."

 _It?_ Clarke was surprised by the coldness in Lexa's voice, her body winced involuntarily. It was as if Lexa invented a new kind of coldness. What the hell was going on here? Before Raven could say anything else that would make the situation even more tense, Clarke tried to slowly get up, just to sink back into Lexa's lap right after. "I'm sorry", she mumbled quietly, searching for the brunette's gaze while she heard Raven angrily huffing off. Lexa did not answer but she carefully came back on her feet and lifted Clarke's body up. "Lexa…I'm sorry", Clarke started again but the dizzy feeling came back and she had to concentrate on not falling back to the ground. Before that could happen, Lexa's arms were back on her side, holding her, carrying her slowly back to the house. "You don't have to say anything, Clarke. I just want this night to end right here and right now."

 **Lexa POV  
**  
 _Conceal, don't feel._ But how should she do that, if Raven's words immediately crashed into her heart and opened the wound she closed for such a long time? She helped Clarke going upstairs and showed her the way to her own room, which was closest to the bathroom. _Probably the best option today._ Now that Clarke fell asleep in Lexa's bed, Lexa herself went over to the comfortable small place under her window, sat down and pulled her legs close to her body. With one gaze back to Clarke she made sure that the blonde was asleep before she looked back outside. The star's light was bright tonight… even the full moon was there. The small waves of the sea sparkled in the moonlight. It seemed to be so peaceful. _She would have loved this_ , Lexa thought and swallowed, when she felt tears appearing in her eyes. _Don't cry right now. You're stronger than this_ , she reminded herself and took a deep breath. _What now?_ Going downstairs was not an option. Some of the others – and probably including Raven – were still downstairs, she heard them listening to music. Lexa grabbed her phone and checked the time. 2:36am. _Already?_ _Oh… and 4 missed calls plus 6 messages from Anya._

 **11:35pm**  
 _"Lex, where are you?"_  
 **11:56pm**  
 _"Probably still drinking with this Clarke-girl, huh?"_  
 **00:23am**  
 _"Never mind, I do have Bellamy here, he might be an idiot but at least he knows how to drink. And where the hell did you and Clarke go? I can't see you anymore. And this shore isn't that big."_  
 **01:34am**  
 _"Hey, are you dead or something? Come on, I want some details."  
_ **01:59am**  
 _"Lex?"_  
 **02:21am**  
 _"I swear, I'm gonna kill Raven. She told me what happened. Need to talk?"_

Anya always had this 7th sense. Even if Lexa wanted to, hiding something from Anya was kinda impossible for her. Lexa typed a short _"Don't worry, I just need some time"_ and put her phone back into her pocket. This was getting too much sometimes. All the things that happened the last year were ever-present. The thoughts, the guilt feelings and the pain. The pain was the worst feeling of them all. Involuntarily shivering, she closed her eyes and leaned her back against the wall, not knowing, that somebody watched her. ...


	4. Chapter 4: Together one is less alone

Thank you guys for already following my AU about Clexa. :)  
But I just have to say that I'd be really happy about some reviews.  
You could for example help me with my ideas for the plot or tell me what I could change to make the story better.

 **Enjoy the next chapter - and... may we meet again!**

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 **Clarke POV**

Clarke was not able to sleep right now, although Lexa immediately thought, that she was asleep. No…The moment Clarke saw Lexa struggling with herself over there at the window, nearly crying, she felt her heart stop for a second. One step, two, three and she felt that dizzy feeling again. _Damn._ Clarke bit her lip, counted to 5 and went over to the window. "I might not be the best for that right now but…", Clarke started, totally aware of the fact that she probably scared Lexa – who was still deep in thoughts – to death with her sudden appearance. However, she could not complete her sentence, her head nearly killed her right now. Lexa's whole body winced, Clarke totally caught her off guard. The blonde girl slowly sat down next to Lexa, her eyes closed until the dizzy feeling disappeared for now. When she opened her eyes again, she saw that Lexa was staring at her. "What I wanted to say is… if you need somebody to talk to… here I am. I mean I might not even remember all this tomorrow…", Clarke continued. With an encouraging smile she looked back at Lexa, who still did not say one word. She was silent, but her eyes spoke volumes. To see her like this – sad, kinda broken, hurt – it broke Clarke's heart and let the smile disappear within a second. For a few moments Clarke just looked at Lexa, their eyes locked in a familiar way. "I'm sorry I messed it up tonight. I should have told you that I have a low tolerance for alcohol and especially for vodka. And I will definitely talk to Raven, it was not fair that she…" Lexa raised her hand to stop Clarke's apology. "There is no need to apologize, Clarke. Not for you." Even her voice was broken. It was not cold anymore, just sad. And she seemed to be so vulnerable. Clarke took a deep breath and grabbed Lexa's hand, just to comfort her somehow. Lexa did not move her hand away, she just lifted her head again and looked at the stars. In the light of the full moon, her eyes were brighter than before. _Brighter than the stars._

"She would have loved this view", the brunette finally said, closing her eyes and Clarke bit her lip again. "She..?" – "Costia. My ex-girlfriend." Clarke followed Lexa's gaze up to the stars, held Lexa's hand a bit tighter and swallowed, unsure if she should ask, but it was unnecessary, because Lexa wanted to tell her more. "Costia died last year. In July." Their gazes met again, Clarke's was full of compassion, while Lexa seemed to see something Clarke was not able to see. That was the thing Lincoln talked about. Lexa went through a lot. He probably had talked about Costia's death. According to Lexa it happened 9 months ago, but Lexa did not seem to be over it at all. "What happened to her?" – "It was an accident. A car-accident." Lexa pursed her lips, wiped away a tear that appeared in the corner of her eye and stood up. "You should go to bed. You still look like you are not feeling good." – "Well, seems as if that makes two of us." Lexa lowered her gaze and said nothing in response, but Clarke thought, that Lexa was probably right… and maybe she just wanted to be alone now. But while leaving the room and after all the things that happened tonight, Clarke could not help herself but thinking about the prickling she felt on every part of her body that was touched by Lexa. _What's going on here? Pull yourself together, Griffin. This is not one of these love-storys of the famous movie, where they find their love at first sight or something. That would be way too easy._ Plus – Lexa was definitely still really hurt by the things that happened 9 months before and now that Clarke knew about it, she just felt more than sorry that she judged Lexa by her cold behavior before. Anyways…something about Lexa touched her. Deep down her soul. The feeling was welcome and appreciated by Clarke.

When Clarke got up on the next morning, she took a shower in the big bathroom upstairs, put some casual but good-looking clothes on and went downstairs to see if the others were already awake. She was surprised to see Anya, who already laid the table and opened the oven in the exact moment Clarke entered the room. "Morning, Clarke", she murmured, still busy. "Sit down, I'm nearly done with baking the rolls." In response, Clarke just smiled and accepted the invitation. It was a bit strange to be here just with Anya – the one she knew least – but neither Lincoln nor Lexa or the others seemed to be ready for breakfast. As if Anya read Clarke's mind, she finally turned around with the small basket of rolls and put them in the middle of the table. "Lincoln stayed at the Blake-house overnight, the others are already at the shore to use the sunny weather."  
If Lexa was at the shore, too? "Lexa went jogging 30 minutes ago. I bet she just needed some time on her own", Anya added, looking directly at Clarke now. She was probably able to see how worried Clarke was after last night. "Don't worry, Clarke, she's strong. Lexa is just not that kind of girl who talks about feelings. Especially not when it comes to Costia." Clarke nodded again and bit her lip, thinking about everything that happened last night. To her surprise, she remembered it all. "Raven was not really friendly to Lexa when she found us yesterday and saw that I was a bit too drunk", she informed Anya and the other girl shook her head. "You probably really understate what she said, right? Well Clarke… I bet Lexa told you about Costia last night?" – "She did." – "I bet she didn't tell you, that Costia was Raven's older sister?" Anya put a slice of cheese on her roll while Clarke sighed. She finally started to understand the reason for Raven's behavior the night before. _I should stop judging them without knowing their story_ , she thought and looked at Anya. "I didn't know that." – "That's why I'm telling you all this. I know that Raven usually doesn't act like that but she's still blaming Lexa for her sister's death, although that's nonsense." In the exact moment Anya wanted to tell Clarke what happened last July, Lexa entered the big kitchen, still in her sports outfit and out of breath.  
"Welcome back, next Olympic champion", Anya commented with a cheeky and encouraging smile, "Come and join us. I made breakfast. You should mark this special day in your calendar, Lex." But _(unfortunately)_ Lexa shook her head and went over to the stairs. "I'm not hungry and I definitely need a shower", she answered curtly and trotted upstairs without even looking at Clarke once. She definitely avoided eye-contact and Clarke was not sure, why.  
Anya shrugged and sighed. "Told ya. That's just her. Let's clean-up for now and join the others at the shore, okay?" – "To be honest I'd like to wait for Lexa if you don't mind. I just…" Clarke tried to find the right words but she was not really able to explain why she wanted to talk to Lexa again. "As Lexa's best friend I'd say it's pointless, but if you really want to try your luck, go ahead, Griffin."

 **Lexa POV**

She did not really feel like joining the others, but keeping out of Raven's way was not Lexa's style of dealing with problems either. She was hurt, yes, but no coward. _Stand upright and just go._ Actually Lexa felt like a coward right now. When she stood at the breakfast table she was not even able to look Clarke in the eyes, afraid to see something in there like compassion or sadness about her situation. Lexa did not want others to be compassionate, she just wanted to be left alone with this topic. Still deep in thoughts she went downstairs and was totally caught off guard when she saw Clarke still sitting there. "Clarke? I thought you were at the shore with the others." Her voice was emotionless again, at least she tried to sound like it was. But it became harder to pretend to be strong when she was with Clarke. It was a strange feeling, but Lexa could not help but feel a bit better when the blonde girl was around. "Anya joined the others an hour ago but I wanted to wait for you." – "Why?" – "I don't know. It just felt right, you know?" Lexa watched Clarke biting her lip again. She recognized this every time Clarke held back something she thought in that moment. "Well… thank you. But I honestly don't feel like joining the others right now. I just want to be left alone." The moment Lexa said that out loud she kinda regretted it already – Clarke's facial expression changed from hopeful to a more disappointed and sad expression. But typical for Clarke, she downplayed her own feelings and just said: "Okay then. I didn't mean to push you to something you don't want. If you want to be alone for now that's fine with me." The blonde turned around and was about to leave the room, when Lexa took a step forward and grabbed her arm, before she even noticed what she was doing. "Actually I was hoping you would join me." – Clarke's cute smile while she turned around melted Lexa's heart. "Isn't being alone about staying somewhere on your own and not with a friend?", Clarke chuckled, "But you know what? I'm in. Let's be alone together, Lexa Woods."


	5. Chapter 5: The world is upside down

I know that this might seem a bit rushed but I could not wait any longer to finally write this. I hope you enjoy the turning point. :)

* * *

 **Clarke POV**

"And then you just pushed him into the water? As if you did that!", Lexa asked surprised and laughed when Clarke nodded convincingly. "I swear, I did! I had no choice, otherwise he would have kissed me again, ugh." It was so wonderful to see Lexa smile and laugh again. And talking and laughing about her short relationship back in Sydney with this boy called Finn helped her to brighten up the whole atmosphere. Clarke joined Lexa's contagious laughter. "And what did he say next? I mean did he understand that…" – "…that I wasn't interested in dating him anymore? Probably. I mean I kinda felt sorry because he was really friendly and charming in the beginning. That's why I gave him a chance. Damn, he even called me princess." Oh god, Lexa probably thought that she was a crazy and hopeless-romantic girl now. "Princess?" Lexa raised her brows and suppressed an amused smile, before she pursed her lips, cleared her throat and got a very serious facial expression again.  
"Princess Clarke Griffin… From this day on I shall be your knight… your…", she thought about it for a second and smiled at Clarke, "…your commander." Clarke did not know why, but it felt right to hear Lexa saying that. "I swear fealty to you, Clarke. I vow to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people." Something about these words made Clarke shiver for a second. She reached out for Lexa's hand and the moment their hands touched, everything changed.

* * *

 _"_ _Thank you for staying."  
_ _"I stayed because it was the right thing for my people."  
_ _"Our people."  
_ _"If you betray me again…"  
_ _"I won't. … I swear fealty to you, Clarke kom skaikru. I vow to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people."_

* * *

 **Clarke and Lexa POV**

Clarke blinked and looked directly into Lexa's bright green eyes. Her mind was full of pictures. Memories, words and feelings she could not put into the right order. "What was that?", she asked more than confused, took a deep breath and closed her blue eyes, trying to calm herself down while Lexa released her hand and moved back, her gaze absent and somehow rushed. "Lexa? Did you see that? It was…" – "Us." The word Lexa formed with her lips was not more than a whisper but Clarke's heart immediately started to beat faster while Lexa lifted her gaze and looked back at Clarke again. The blonde girl was still confused, looked away and felt Lexa's gaze on her face. "What do you mean by that? Us? How…? What happened? Lexa…" –

"Shhh… I don't know how this happened or why. … I knew that there was something special about you. Something unique." Lexa reached out for Clarke, touched her face and her hair gently with her right hand while coming closer. "But… I remember you now, Clarke kom skaikru… I remember everything that happened."

"I never thought I'd see you again", Clarke whispered breathless, with tears in her eyes, laid her hand over Lexa's, that was still touching her cheek and swallowed to get rid of the lump in her throat. "My whole life I was searching for something. I was searching for somebody." Clarke closed her blue eyes, which finally released the tears.

"I told you I'd always be with you, Clarke." The smile on her lips reached the eyes now that she moved closer to Clarke and pulled her into a tight hug. "You told me maybe someday. And here we are. Ai laik yu gona. I'll always be", she whispered, breathing in the familiar scent of her long-lost soulmate.

Clarke eventually ended the hug and looked closely at Lexa's face, while her hands touched the other one's cheeks and hair, unbelievingly. She could feel her own heart beating synchronously with Lexa's again. "You're really here. You found me. Your fight was never over." Smiling under tears, Clarke moved forward again and bridged the small distance between them. She pressed her lips on Lexa's, at first carefully and then more passionate, placing one hand on Lexa's cheek again.

 **Raven POV**

"Did anyone see Clarke? Her mum called 3 times now and I kinda have the feeling that Clarke should call her back as soon as possible or else she will be here in 5 minutes to pick her up or something." Octavia shook her head in response and all the others joined her, except Bellamy. "You sound like a mum yourself, Raven. Chill out. You've been walking from side to side for the last 10 minutes now. Just a small tip – that doesn't help to find out where Clarke is either." – "Shut up, Bell, your advise is no help, like always", Raven snapped and tore her hair, stressed.

"Clarke is with Lexa", Anya informed the others the minute she entered the room and sat down on the couch next to Harper. "She is?", Harper asked surprised and Anya nodded, followed by a bright smile from Harper. "Seems like Lexa finally found somebody to talk to, apart from you, Anya." Raven could not help but notice that Anya seemed to be a bit jealous while she listened to Harper's statement. "We should be lucky for her. It's been such a long time since I last saw her smile. Yesterday was the first time after months", Lincoln added with his dark and calm voice and put his arm around Octavia's shoulder. Harper pointed at Lincoln and nodded in agreement: "You definitely have a point there. She seemed to be so happy yesterday." – "Just because YOU didn't see her smile or laugh doesn't mean that she never did all that", Anya snarled, definitely jealous now. Raven bit her tongue and focused on Lexa's best friend. Her arms were folded and she glanced disapprovingly at the others as if she would fight everyone who would try to prove her wrong.

"No need to get mad at us, Anya", Raven floated her opinion and somehow challenged Anya with that. "Without you Reyes, Lexa wouldn't have been so upset yesterday", Anya snapped back and Raven felt the anger grow inside her belly while all the others watched their conversation with growing tension, unsure what to do to stop them.  
"I was just fucking worried about Clarke, that's my DAMNED right!"  
"And it is my DAMNED task to protect Lexa from every bad thought or feeling YOU put into her already broken heart!"  
"YOU KNOW WHAT?! It was Lexa's fucking task to protect Costia from killing herself by driving drunk! AND SHE DIDN'T! I lost my sister! I lost EVERYTHING because of HER!"

Raven felt herself slowly bursting into tears while the faces of Bellamy, Octavia, Lincoln, Jasper, Harper and Monty were focused horrified on something behind her. Someone.

Clarke stood behind Raven's back and next to her – Lexa.


	6. Chapter 6: Our Maybe someday

**Clarke POV**

 _Damn it._ Without even thinking about it twice, she turned around and ran after Lexa. She recognized that Anya started to run, too, but was hold back by Lincoln. ("You caused enough trouble for one day, Anya, let Clarke go after her!") While Octavia followed Raven who went inside the house, still in tears, Clarke took a deep breath. _All this went so wrong. Now that Lexa finally was happy for one second. … Now that we found each other…_ But Clarke had the feeling that she already knew where Lexa was. And she was right. Just like the commander Lexa was once and in another life, she liked the idea of freedom. And where else could she find it than near a horse?  
Clarke slowly went down the shore and entered the small and more greenish area at the end of it. This must be the farm Octavia told her about a while ago.  
Not only Lexa was into horses, Octavia was, too, and the two of them used to spend a lot of time here. At least that was what Octavia told Clarke. _Thank god she told me that_ , Clarke added in mind and passed the entrance of the farm's property. It was really empty, but somehow homey. Searching for any sign of Lexa, Clarke padded over to the big meadows.

"Can I help you with something?" – Clarke turned around and saw none other than… _Indra._ In this life she was of course not one of her commander's best fighters but probably the owner of the stable or something? Clarke couldn't help herself but smile a bit, although the situation was more than urgent. "Actually I think you can. I am searching for Lexa. I thought maybe I could find her here?" – "You must be Clarke then. I am Indra." – Surprised by the fact, that Indra knew her name, Clarke nodded and the older woman said: "Lexa is here but she asked me to let nobody find her." Clarke dropped her gaze and bit her tongue. _No surprise…_ Lexa probably did not want to see anyone right now. She was hurt. And of course Lexa had her own style of dealing with sadness.  
"Nobody except for a 'blond girl called Clarke'", Indra finally added and made Clarke look up again. Now it was Indra whose facial expression softened a bit. It was more than obvious, that Indra cared about Lexa as if she was her daughter or something similar. Nearly the same like before when they were the commander and a close confidant. Indra had always been the one who protected Lexa and fulfilled her needs. That did not change. "You will find her on the other side of the meadows, with her horse. Whenever Lexa needs some time for herself, she spends a lot of time there." Clarke nodded and let her gaze wander over the big meadow on the left. "Thank you, Indra. Thank you for everything." It felt right to just say that. Indra was there for Lexa when Clarke was not and it was just good to know that there were other people who cared so much about Lexa. Clarke set out for Lexa's private place on the other side of the big grass field and did not hear the quiet whisper of the dark-skinned woman. "Take care, Wanheda."

 **Lexa POV**

"There you are." Lexa did not turn around when she heard Clarke's relieved voice, but Honey – her middle-sized reddish-colored horse – raised her head and strained her ear's, looking in the direction of the blonde girl who slowly walked over. "And I see you have a companion here. Hello there, pretty girl." Honey snuffled at Clarke's hand for a second and went back to her favorite thing – grazing. Now that Clarke was here and she could listen to the familiar voice, Lexa felt a weight dropping off her mind . When the blonde girl eventually sat down next to her and pulled her closer, she let out a deep breath. "I'm glad you came", she heard herself saying and she swallowed right after that. It was again a sentence she had used in a completely different situation. Right before the fight with Roan… This was more than confusing… Clarke touched Lexa's face carefully with her hand and pressed her chin gently upwards, so that Lexa had to look Clarke in the eyes. She felt so vulnerable, but with Clarke it was not a weakness anymore. Just like Lexa, Clarke probably recognized that this was a quote from their shared past. "Me too", the blonde answered and pulled her closer into another hug. "I'm sorry I ran away." – "What Raven said… it isn't true, Lexa." – "You don't know the whole story, Clarke. Raven is right. It was my fault that Costia died. Again. It was my fault in my last life as the commander of the 13 clans and it is my fault here again, although I'm not that little grounder-girl anymore." All these feelings that were locked inside Lexa's heart for years finally found their way outside and while Clarke put her arms around Lexa's body, she herself rested her head on the crook of the blonde girl's neck. Until now she did not realize it, but now that Clarke held her so tight, she shivered in an uncontrollable way.

"Tell me what happened that night." The invitation to finally talk about everything came unprepared. But this was Clarke. Her Clarke. She could trust Clarke with everything. Lexa's green eyes focused on Honey, the peaceful image of her dear horse grazing without any worries. … "It was a night like last night. We were all together at the shore and Costia, Octavia, Bellamy, Harper and I had so much fun with this new drinking game we found. It wasn't long before we were all completely drunk. The others helped us going back into the house when we finally had enough and we all went to bed at first." Clarke listened closely to Lexa's words and nodded, inviting Lexa with her eyes to go on talking. "Costia was a wild spirit. Always untamable…It was a beautiful night with a full moon and bright stars. She decided that we should go outside one more time, just the two of us, to watch the beautiful sky and maybe the sunrise later. I agreed with her…So we went down to the shore and did what she suggested." Lexa's green eyes were absent, obscured while her thoughts and memories went back to the day she lost Costia. "I was barely in control of my senses when Costia told me to get into that car. She wanted this night to be the most special one I've ever had. We were so in love, Clarke, I trusted her with my life. I just did what she said. I got into the car and we drove away… everything was alright… until… until that deer appeared out of nowhere. In front of the passenger side. Costia tried to avoid the crash and we crashed into a tree instead." Lexa's eyes were open wide now, totally absent and her fingers clung on the only thing that was there – Clarke's hand.

 **Clarke POV  
**  
Clarke started to comfort Lexa by gently stroking her back with her free hand. That blurred gaze of Lexa worried her, but she kept quiet. Lexa should finally get the chance to get rid of all the thoughts and feelings she had about that night. "I was stuck between the left parts of the car and all I felt was pain…fear. Costia screamed in pain, I couldn't do anything, Clarke. I couldn't move…When we finally got help it was too late for her. People helped us get out of the car wreck but she died before the ambulance arrived. She died in my arms. It was all my fault. I shouldn't have agreed with her idea, I shouldn't…" Lexa started to cry her heart out and all Clarke could do was to hold her, whisper that everything was going to be fine. "Everywhere I go, death follows. If only I had known before who I really am. I would have never dated Costia. I would have let her live her life", Lexa sobbed. It broke Clarke's heart to see her like that. The pain inside her stomach grew more and more.

"Shhhh…Lexa…It is not your fault. Remember what you told me a long time ago? You can't change her fate. It was not your fault." – "But Raven…" – "No. Raven just needs to blame somebody for everything that happened to her..her sister. It was Costia who drove the car. You were drunk yourself… you could have died, too. But you survived. It is not your fault that Costia didn't. It was an accident. I bet Costia would say the same if she was here." Clarke looked at Lexa's face and gently wiped away the tears with her hand. Lexa looked up to Clarke, got lost in her eyes again. Their eyes locked immediately. "Can we…talk about something else?", Lexa asked quietly. – "We don't have to talk at all." Leaning towards Lexa's face, Clarke felt how deep the feelings she had for Lexa really were. She never had experienced something like this before. Lexa brought out the best in her… and here – far away from their past lives – she had nothing more to fear. Lexa placed her hands on Clarke's cheeks and their lips found their way to each other, right in the moment the sun set and bathed the grass field in a beautiful, rosy light.


	7. Chapter 7: New perspectives

**Octavia POV**

Impatiently knocking at the door of the bathroom in the Blake-house, Harper let out a worried sigh. "Raven? We're here for you, okay? As long as it takes." The dark-blonde girl who always showed such a cool side was now really soft and supporting, including her voice. – "10 more minutes and I'm ripping the door off the inches", Octavia added with a more harsh voice and sat down next to Harper, who had leaned herself against the wall right in front of the bathroom before. Right after saying that, Harper ungently pushed her in the side and cut her a look. "You are really not helping with that", the dark-blonde formed with her lips but Octavia shrugged as if it was no big deal. "Octavia… It's so quiet in there." – "She's fine!" – "But…" – "Harper. You have no idea how many times people already locked themselves in this bath. Including me. They are always fine. Trust me for once." Octavia knew Raven long enough to be sure, that she was alright. _She probably just needs time to overthink the situation. Facing Lexa like that was nothing that Raven intended to do, it just came out of nowhere when Anya challenged her and Lexa… well she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Plus Raven indeed started to care for Clarke. That is obvious. Maybe like a sister or something…That would explain her overreacted statement before._

"Where is she?" Bellamy came down the hallway and right behind him – Anya. "She locked herself in the bath", Harper informed them, pulling her legs closer to her body. "Let me get some tools so that we can rip the door off the inches", Bellamy suggested and Octavia smiled smugly at her brother. "Maybe you are really my brother. I mean I suggested the same but Harper preferred the old-fashioned way of just waiting here until she's ready." Bellamy and Octavia exchanged glances when Anya finally stepped forward, surprising the others with what she said. "Let me talk to her." _Anya wants to talk to Raven? Well… Maybe she wants to apologize or something?_ Octavia wondered why. Anya was usually not the kind of girl who felt sorry for challenging or provoking others when she did it to protect Lexa.  
"Come on, guys, listen to her", Bellamy said and reached for Harper's and Octavia's hands to help them get back on their feet. The fact that Anya, Lincoln and Bellamy were older than the others – they were all around 19 or 20 years old while the other three were already 23 or 24 – made Octavia feel like their decisions were usually the best and wisest one's… well… except for Bellamy's. Although he was her older brother, he was an idiot most of the times. "Aye, Chief", she joked and they went downstairs, leaving Anya alone in front of the door.

 **Raven POV**

 _Knock knock._ It was the 18th time now that somebody knocked on the door, but she did not feel like talking at all. She actually did not even feel like breathing anymore. _'Stuff your feelings, Raven Reyes, or else I will kick your ass until you get up again'_ , she heard her sister's voice in her head. _Costia._

If only she were here. But she is dead, Raven reminded herself. This thought hurt so much. Costia would never be by her side again. "You should be here, Costia", Raven whispered, looked at her reflection in the mirror and clenched her fists. "But you left me alone." _You were the only one left from the whole family we once had. And what did you do? You LEFT. You promised you would stay with me._ Her thoughts went on and on until the small girl lifted her fist and crashed it right into the mirror, which broke immediately and with a loud clashing noise into pieces.

"RAVEN! What the HELL are you doing in there?!" _Anya?_ Still in a state of trance Raven turned around, opened the door and saw the older girl coming in. "Oh god, Raven, look at your hand, the blood… Damn." Oh…Raven did not recognize it until now but some of the mirror's pieces had cut into her hand and left 3 longer slashes on the back. "Let me help you", Anya went over and took care of the wounds, Raven did not even try to fight against her help. While she was doing that, Raven focused on the other girl's face. _Her straight face, always cool, serious and reckless. Funny that I never realized how contrary her face and her hair are_ , she thought and tilted her head a bit. Anya's hair was a bit curly and dark on top, while the rest of the hair was lighter, like a burning flame. The hair was so playful and full of unspoken feelings. _What a weird thought._ Anyways…"I didn't mean to say all these things", Raven began but Anya shook her head to make her shut up. "Don't apologize", she said and stepped back, now that Raven's wounds were cleaned and dressed. "Help me, Anya", Raven begged surprisingly and buried her face in her hands. The older girl sat down next to the younger on the edge of the bathtub and took a deep breath.

"Reyes… If you really want my advice I need to be honest with you. I don't care about what you said to me, because all these things had nothing to do with me. But it's not the same with Lexa. She does care about all that. And I bet it hurt her. And Lexa means so much to me, I don't want her to be hurt anymore. You two need to talk about everything that happened the night Costia died." Anya's voice was emotionless but then she raised her hand and gently touched the younger girl's shoulder. Raven lifted her gaze and looked directly at Anya. At her brown and strong eyes. They kinda gave her the feeling that she would be able to talk to Lexa eventually. "You keep forgetting the fact that you are not the only one who lost Costia. Lexa lost her, too. Actually we all lost a friend", Anya added and finally stood up to leave the room. "You should stop trying to find somebody to blame. It was your sister's decision to drive that car." With these words she turned around and left Raven alone.

 _She is right. Probably because she is older and wiser. Or just not lead by her feelings. I lost my sister but Lexa… Lexa and Costia were so happy together. What if I treated her wrong all this time?_ An unpleasant feeling grew inside Raven's stomach – her guilty conscience. In this moment she finally came to a decision. She wanted to talk to Lexa, but she was unsure if the other girl would ever want to talk to her again.

 **Lexa POV**

"Claaarke, he won't bite you, I promise. He is the friendliest horse I've ever met. Besides mine, that's for sure. Trust me." Lexa saddled up her own horse and grinned amused when she saw Clarke's try to brush the other horse's fur. Still not convinced, the blonde shook her head, stepped back again and eyed the big horse with growing skepticism. "I do trust you, Lexa, but that doesn't mean that I want to be killed by a horse." – "Seriously? You're definitely overreacting. I mean Jack didn't even move since you tied him up here." – "His name is Jack? Oh wonderful, I once knew a man called Jack and…" Lexa went over to Clarke and slowly hugged her from behind to make her stop talking. It worked. "Don't change the subject", the brunette whispered and recognized that Clarke's body immediately responded by making her heart beat faster. Clarke also got goosebumps on her arms. Lexa placed her head on Clarke's shoulder and smiled in a cute and somehow satisfied way while she grabbed Clarke's hand and moved it closer to the horse's nose. "Lexa…" – "Trust me." – "But…" – "Clarke. You rode your own horse back when you were Wanheda. Remember?"

It took Clarke some time to feel comfortable around these big creatures again, but Lexa was right. Jack was a friendly horse and he reminded Clarke of her own white horse – the one who helped her get away with the flame as soon as possible right after… right after Clarke found out what the commander's spirit really looked like. All this seemed to be so far away from where she was now... like an eternity ago.  
Now she sat here in the saddle like a cowgirl and she was able to watch her Heda again – no… – she was able to watch Lexa – her Lexa, on a pretty normal day without any wars – gallop down the beach with her wild horse. It was a wonderful feeling to be around Lexa again. _Nothing could be better than this._ "Do you want to strike roots first or are you coming now?", Lexa shouted, turning her head back and smiled this breathtaking and cute smile. The same smile Clarke once saw in the City of Light. The same smile she saw before Lexa saved her by fighting against all these people who were under A.L.I.E.'s control.

 _I do not know why we got this second chance, but she is the best thing that has ever been mine_ , Clarke thought and smiled back. She then clicked her tongue once and Jack trotted after Honey.


	8. Chapter 8: Plans

This chapter might be a bit short and perhaps even boring but I promise that I have something in mind already, I just need some time to get to the important part of my plot. Be prepared and enjoy the last bit of your weekend!

* * *

 **Octavia POV**

Sunday was nearly over when the group of friends came together one more time in the living-room of the Blake-house. They talked about the next week and especially about the upcoming birthday on Wednesday. Lexa's birthday. While Harper braided her long dark-brown hair, Octavia bit her tongue, thinking about the possibilities. "I know that some of you might not agree but her birthday is something she has to celebrate. I say we surprise her with a party." Her brother chuckled as if she just told them the best joke ever. "She's gonna kill us all, O", Bellamy responded. "You know that she doesn't like surprises." – "I agree", Harper said and Bellamy already smiled in a satisfied way when she added: "With Octavia. It's Lexa's 20th birthday. That's special. I'm in. Big party for Lexa." Bellamy rolled his eyes but the others seemed to agree with Octavia, too, although Raven kept quiet. _No surprise, she probably did not talk to Lexa until now and was not sure if she should take part in the plans_ , Octavia thought but focused on Lincoln afterwards. That was a matter between Raven and Lexa and Octavia did not want to take part in that. "Any idea how we could distract Lexa? I mean she always knows when something is going on, right? This needs to be top-secret", she asked instead, also looking at Anya, who entered the room, sat down next to Raven on the small couch and tied her hair up into a pony-tail. "What about a trip to the bars downtown first and afterwards a cozy get-together at the shore? With many candles, of course", Lexa's best friend suggested within a second and caused a general amusement. _Candles. Lexa's secret addiction. Actually not a secret anymore._ "1000 of candles", Monty said, "I think that might be possible. I will buy them tomorrow and store them in our garage. I mean otherwise she would definitely find them." – "I'll help you carry them", Harper added, "I mean… 1000 of candles? Even for you a bit too much, don't you think?" They exchanged a smile. _Really cute, these two._ "What about Clarke?", Raven asked, "Do you think we should tell her about the plans?" – "Well… You said Lexa seems to like Clarke, right? What if Clarke is the one who gets the task to distract Lexa from trying to find out what's going on?", Harper suggested and although Anya's facial expression hardened – probably jealous again – everyone agreed with that. After Raven had promised to call Clarke later to explain everything to her, the group slowly dissolved, everyone went home to get ready for the next day. Monday. School-day.

 **Clarke POV**

Lexa parked her car in front of Clarke's house and both – Clarke and Lexa – left the car. "Thank you for driving me home", Clarke said, smiling, while Lexa grabbed her hand and came closer. "Well… You have to go back to your people. That's why you're you." The brunette smiled back at Clarke. In that moment, Clarke's mum Abigail opened the door and Clarke saw how her pupils dilated in surprise. "Clarke? I thought you wanted me to pick you up?", Abby asked and looked at Lexa, just for a second, before she focused on her daughter again. _So far so good_ , Clarke thought and hold the hand of Lexa a bit tighter, totally aware of her mother's confused look. "Uhm yeah but… let's just say plans changed. And mum… that's Lexa Woods. Lexa, that's my mum", she introduced them. It was unnecessary for Lexa, she knew exactly who the woman in front of her was. Clarke recognized that Lexa's cold and emotionless facial expression was back, but she stepped forward without hesitating and shook Abby's hand. "It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Griffin", she said in a friendly way, but Clarke knew that this must be really weird for Lexa. Back in their past Abigail Griffin was mostly on the other side of the fence that surrounded Arcadia and unlike Clarke, her mother Abigail never seemed to really trust Lexa and her intentions. In this world Lexa was – in Abby's eyes – probably just a girl Clarke met in school, but the tension in this situation was omnipresent.  
"It's nice to meet you, too, Lexa. You can call me Abigail. That's what all friends of Clarke do. I made something for dinner, maybe you would like to join us?" _Typical_ , Clarke thought, _she wants to find out more about Lexa._ Then again she thanked her mom for the possibility to spend more time with Lexa. To Clarke's surprise, Lexa released her hand and shook her head. "I'd really like to, but I think the others prepared something for dinner at home, too. Maybe next time." Abby nodded understandingly, made a goodbye-sign with her hand and went back inside the house, towards the kitchen.

"You could have stayed for dinner, you know that, right? You two are not the commander of the 13 clans and the chancellor of the Skypeople here." Clarke was indeed a bit disappointed. She really wanted Lexa around. They already had lost too much time. Why was Lexa acting like that now? "Maybe someday, Clarke", Lexa answered and Clarke's heart stopped for a second while her sad blue eyes searched for some feelings in Lexa's face. "The last time we said that it all ended with me losing you", the blonde reminded and stepped back, but Lexa came closer one more time. "You won't lose me again. Listen, Clarke. I just don't want to rush things here. The last time we fell in love was in the middle of... a big war. More than one war, actually. The both of us had so many things to think about. A huge responsibility for our people, my clans on the one side, the Mointain Men...your Skypeople on the other side" Lexa rested her hand on Clarke's cheek and Clarke closed her blue eyes for a second. "This time I want to get it right, Clarke. I want you to get the love you deserve. I want you to be truly happy. That's why I want to take it slow." Clarke thought about Lexa's words while she looked back at the bright sea-green eyes, full of feelings. _So many things had changed, but Lexa and I found each other again. There has to be a reason for all this_ , she thought and nodded eventually. "But don't expect me to stay away from you, please. I tried that once. It lead me to three months loneliness, dirty clothes and…", Clarke started but Lexa smiled and gave Clarke an unexpected, short but soft kiss. "Don't worry. I don't think that I could stay away from you, either, Clarke kom skaikru."


	9. Chapter 9: Calm before the storm

**Clarke POV**

It was nearly 9:30pm when Clarke's phone rang. She hoped for a call of Lexa and was even more surprised when she saw Raven's name on the display. "Raven? Hey." – "Hi. Clarke? Okay uhm I don't know if you knew that already but Lexa's birthday is on Wednesday and we planned something today when the two of you weren't around. Aaaand we need your help. Okay here's the plan…"

The following two days passed without any special incidents. Clarke did her best to spend most of her time with Lexa. It was an incredible feeling to just do normal things like going to school or having lunch in the cafeteria with her friends and… with her. The most wonderful thing about it was the fact that everybody seemed to be surprised by Lexa's behavior. Especially Octavia and Harper supported the new love. "Your love melted her frozen heart", Harper joked once and Octavia kept calling them "Clarke and Lexa… Clexa, the inseparable". It was amazing.  
The only one who seemed to be everything but pleased with the situation was Anya. Every time she was around, Clarke had the feeling that the other girl tried to keep Lexa busy, so that Clarke was not able to talk to Lexa at all. When she finally had a quiet moment with Octavia, she decided to get it off her chest. Clarke told Octavia everything that was going on, how Anya's behavior changed from friendly at the beginning to really cold now that Clarke and Lexa spend so much time together. To Clarke's surprise Octavia was more understanding than expected.  
"Anya is probably just jealous. I mean before you moved here, she was the only one who was really able to talk to Lexa. After the accident I mean. They do have this connection we never understood. Like sisters. And Lexa was always so quiet. Never shy but… secretive. Even Lincoln was kinda helpless at times. We all were." Octavia paused and smiled supportive, her light eyes sparkled typically. "But then you came along and you brought out something we haven't seen for months. There is this special bond between you and her. She never let anyone in before, she kept saying that 'love is weakness' but you… you changed her." Clarke swallowed and could not help but smile back at Octavia when she heard this opinion of one of her closest friends. "What I wanted to say is…Everyone can see that, Clarke. Including Anya. And it's been barely a week since you two first met. I mean… wow. Where will this lead you two? Clexa. I ship it. Even if Anya keeps acting like that… Don't worry. The Lexa I know won't let anything or anyone come between you two." Clarke's smile widened and turned into a grin. _Clexa._ It was definitely the right thing to talk to Octavia about the situation. A friend like Octavia was always able to make her smile again. "Thank you, Octavia, I really needed some support. You're the best." – "Hey, did I miss something? I thought I was your number 1?" The familiar voice let Clarke's heartbeat jump for a second. _Lexa._ Her whole body reacted to the arrival of the other girl. _Every time._ She smiled back at Lexa, while Octavia chuckled quietly next to her and came back on her feet. "Don't worry, Lexa, she's all yours", she assured within a second and walked towards the school's library, still smiling. "See you two later."

 **Lexa POV**

Lexa sat down next to Clarke on the bench and looked curiously at the blonde's face. It was a warm spring-day and the birds sang their songs while they enjoyed the short break between the lessons. "Is everything alright? You kinda fled from me earlier, didn't you?" There it was again. Clarke bit her lips and Lexa knew immediately that she held something back, but instead of being honest, she just said: "No. Don't worry. I just didn't want to interrupt your conversation with Anya. That's why I decided to keep Octavia's company." The blonde shrugged and Lexa was anything but convinced but she did not ask any further questions. Clarke would talk to her if it was something important – that was something that never changed between them. "Alright then. What do you think about spending the day with me? We could study for the upcoming exams and once we are finished take a walk on the beach or something?", Lexa suggested, placing her hand gently on the other girl's arm. But Clarke just shook her head and Lexa began to get a bit worried about her behavior. Clarke usually loved spending every second with her. No matter where they were.  
"It's not that I don't want to spend my time with you", the blonde girl explained, when she saw Lexa's confused face, "but let's not go to the beach today. If we do that every time it won't be special anymore. And I want it to be special." For sure an excuse, Lexa thought, but she nodded unconvinced. "What do you think about studying for the exam at my place and a city stroll afterwards?", Clarke added and Lexa nodded once again, with a small smile now. "Sounds like a plan."

 **Clarke POV**

The last two lessons – geography with Mr. Pike (oh the irony, he teaches the subject about the earth again…) – were annoying and seemed to last longer than 90 minutes, but Clarke was happy enough to sit next to Lexa and Lincoln, who were both really good at reading maps and all the other things you needed to do in a geography-lesson. _What a surprise, Lexa was born to be good at everything that had something to do with strategy for wars etc. Including maps, the earth structures…_ Clarke felt like an idiot. At least some of the others – like Harper and Jasper – were also not really good, so Clarke was not the only victim of Pike. He turned out to be one of these teachers who liked to ask especially the students to come to the blackboard who had the most problems to answer his questions. "A tyrant, just like he was when he was the chancellor. All hat and no cattle. He loves to be more powerful than others. Can't believe your people really voted for him", Lexa kept saying with a confused face. "I guess they just thought that he might be able to change something. They wanted the Skypeople to be powerful without your help", Clarke whispered back. That was for sure no excuse for all the things Pike did...  
For Bellamy Mr. Pike always was the "nasty little runt" behind his back. Lexa and Clarke agreed with each other that this was indeed very funny, referring to the fact that Bellamy supported Pike in his other life... "I guess we can't judge them for who they were. Everyone acts differently when it comes to surviving", Clarke added, while her finger slowly drawed invisible lines on the back of Lexa's hand. "Not everyone. Not you", Lexa answered.

When the school bell finally rang, Clarke recognized the conspiratorial glances of her friends. Today was Tuesday, the day before the big surprise and everyone was happy that Clarke kept her promise to keep Lexa busy today, although Clarke had the feeling that Lexa already knew that something was going on. "It is called 'the commander's 7th sense'", Lexa answered once when Clarke asked her about the fact that she always knew about surprises before anyone could even plan them. _I bet it is her sharp sense again_ , Clarke thought, packed her things and waited for Lexa.

While Clarke and Lexa studied together at Clarke's house and went to the city afterwards, their friends prepared everything for the cozy get-together at the shore on the next day. Harper and Monty were busy placing all the candles on suitable locations, Jasper and Bellamy talked with Lincoln about the possibility of a barbecue and Octavia and Anya were busy ordering everyone around.  
The only one who did not participate was Raven. She sat on one of the rocks that marked the end of the private part of the shore and watched the waves of the ocean. Something was different today. Disturbing. As if something big was about to happen soon. Raven could feel it in her left leg. It always itched in a moment like this.  
If only she had known that the next day would change everything.


	10. Chapter 10: The storm

**Raven POV**

"Hey Reyes, what's going on? I mean since when is Raven Reyes so quiet? Seems like you and Lexa changed roles." Raven turned her head and saw Bellamy walking over to her. "Bellamy", she started, sighing, "…no offense but… I don't really wanna talk about Lexa right now." He sat down next to Raven and focused on her facial expression. It was an unpleasant feeling for Raven. Why does he stare like that?, she asked herself, tensed her jaw muscle and avoided his gaze. "Oh come on Raven, we all know that you feel worse than bad because of the incident with Lexa on Sunday." – "I said I don't wanna talk, Bellamy, why don't you understand that?", she snarled angrily and clenched her fists. "Please just go", she begged him and took a deep breath. It tasted like salt here at the ocean and it always helped her to calm down.  
"Bellamy!", Octavia shouted, "Lincoln and Jasper could need a hand…or two!" – "She's a slave driver, I swear. Run as long as you still can." Bellamy placed her hand on Raven's shoulder for a second, it made her body wince in surprise. "You can count on me, Reyes, remember?" With these words and his typical charming smile he walked off to help the others.  
"Goddamn, when will he understand, that I don't want to be his cute little sidekick anymore?", she murmured to herself. "Probably never", Anya answered and nearly scared Raven to death. "Oh god I didn't see you coming." Raven's eyes were open-wide. _Way too many surprises for one day._ "No need to call me 'god', but thanks anyway", Anya joked in her self-confident but arrogant kind of way and suppressed a chuckle.

 _The next day…_

 **Clarke POV**

"Happy Birthday dear Lexa, happy birthday… to you!", they sang together and Clarke pulled Lexa into a tight hug. "The happiest and best day ever for you", Clarke whispered into Lexa's ear and the smile that appeared on Lexa's lips afterwards, made Clarke's heart beat faster within a second. Lexa's smiles were really rare but without any doubt the most beautiful thing ever. One by one all their friends came closer to give Lexa a birthday-hug. Raven was the last one to do so. The blonde girl saw that Raven hesitated first, but Lexa nodded once. "It's okay, Raven", the brunette said calmly and the smaller girl gave her a relieved hug. _How could somebody be so reasonable and not even one bit resentful?_ It was one of these special things about Lexa. She did not want to fight with Raven anymore – that was what she had told Clarke – and because of that she made the decision to forgive her with her head and not her heart. By choosing this way Clarke was sure that everything was totally fine in the end. For the both of them. "Thank you, Lexa. I know I shouldn't have said what I said to you. It was unfair. All of it. Not just the things I said on Sunday." Clarke listened closely to her friend and was kinda relieved to see the Raven she knew for such a long time now. The Raven, who was intelligent, made rational decisions and above all… the Raven who never gave up.

"You were probably right with some of these things", Lexa answered and looked at Clarke for a second, before she focused on Raven again. "And I know that you care for Clarke. I promise that I will take care of her. Don't worry. She's safe under my protection." _I was always safe with Lexa by my side_ , Clarke agreed in her mind. _The problems did start whenever Lexa was not around anymore._ Raven nodded and bit her lip when she saw how Clarke grabbed Lexa's hand naturally.  
"I'll take you up on that", Raven added with a small smile. _Wow, the first real smile for days_ , Clarke thought happily and smiled back at Raven. All Clarke ever wanted for this tiny cute mechanic was happiness. While she looked at Raven she could not help but still feel sad for all the things the other one lost back in their former life. And here where she finally could have had a fresh start she lost her sister. It was kinda unfair. Raven casually flipped back her long hair and tied it into a ponytail before she said: "I'm happy for you two. I mean… it's good to see you happy again, Lexa. And you Clarke… thanks for moving here. Without you we would probably all still be a bunch of weird people." This sentence made Clarke laugh and the other two joined her. "No offense, Miss Reyes, but I think by joining the weirdo-group I made it even more weird than it was before."

 **Clarke POV**

 _Come closer, come closer. And I just can't pull myself away, under her spell I can't break._

The music in the club was loud and contagious. Although it was a Thursday-night, downtown and especially this club was full of people. Probably because the next day was free because of some conferences of the teachers. The general mood was very good, the dancefloor full of people dancing. Lexa pulled Clarke closer to her, their bodies moved synchronously. The blonde pressed herself against Lexa's back and placed her hands on the brunette's hips. "I just can't stop, I just can't stop!", she sang loudly to the song and saw Lexa laugh exuberantly happy, before she turned around and pressed her lips on Clarke's for a short second. Clarke felt her heartbeat stop again, breathless. Kissing Lexa felt like catching a shooting star. Like touching the sky… "Then don't stop", Lexa whispered in the other one's ear and put her arms around her neck to pull her into a closer dance-position. The long fingers of Lexa tangled into the blonde hair, their eyes met right after. Bright sky-blue met mysterious sea-green.

"You shouldn't look at me like that, Clarke." – "Like what?" – "You're totally leering at me." That statement let Clarke laugh again and Lexa joined in. Clarke could feel the wonderful small waves of Lexa's long her tickling her cheek. Lexa was so close. Lexa was here. She was here with her and they had nothing to worry about. Their own little piece of happiness right here. "As if this would disturb you, Lexa Woods", Clarke purred like a cat and leaned in for another of Lexa's kiss. _I am addicted to her kisses. I am addicted to Lexa_ , Clarke confessed before herself and smiled. The smile she got back from Lexa had something special, familiar and intimate. The blonde was sure that she knew the girl behind the facade and it made her happy to know her. The girl Lexa never let out in front of others was a part that only belonged to Clarke. She did not want to share this and she never had to. "Wait for it, Miss Griffin, we do have the whole night for all these dirty things you have on your mind."

More than a smile was usually not Lexa's style when other people were around, but the alcohol they had drunk was indeed a bit too much and Clarke quickly felt herself struggling with standing straight, although Lexa's strong arms hold her close. "Short dance-break?", Lexa suggested giggling and Clarke agreed thankfully and relieved. Side by side they went over to one of the tables on the left side of the club. Octavia, Anya, Raven and Harper were there, too, while the boys seemed to be busy finding out who was the best at inventing new dance-moves on the dancefloor. With a determined gesture, Clarke saw Lexa sit down next to Octavia and in the next second she reached for Clarke's hand to pull her closer again. "The next drinks are on me!" Lexa's voice was still playful, which was really cute in Clarke's opinion. She loved this side of Lexa more and more. The Lexa, who did not have to worry about anything but her own life and her own happiness made her happy just by looking at her. The brunette lifted her hand to get the attention of one of the waitresses. "Enjoying your birthday, Lex?", Anya mumbled under the influence of the alcohol and emptied her last glass. Changing amorous glances with Clarke, Lexa nodded and focused on her best friend afterwards. "This is the best party for years!", she finally answered convincingly and honestly. Under the table, Clarke and Lexa crossed fingers in a natural kind of way. It felt so right to be connected to Lexa every second of the evening, even if it was just by touching her like now.

 **Lexa POV**

One of the waitresses finally came over. _Took her long enough_ , she thought. But right now it was not important how long the waitresses needed to bring them new drinks… or how cool all the outfits here were or how Raven tried to explain her personal view on the world to Harper, who was half asleep. The only thing that mattered was the blonde wonderful girl who was sitting right next to her, smiling, being happy. Right now there was definitely no place she'd rather be than here with Clarke and her closest friends. _It nearly feels like a family_ , Lexa added, in thoughts for some seconds. When she finally turned around to ask the waitress for more privacy (and more ice!), her eyes blacked out for a few seconds and her body started to shake immediately.  
"Hello Lexa. Happy Birthday. Hope you enjoy your birthday." With these words she put down Lexa's favorite drink on the table right in front of her and smiled like she had never really been gone. Like this whole past months had never even existed.  
The pretty girl with a serious but somehow playful face and dark-blonde, wavy hair was none other than Costia.


	11. Chapter 11: New life, old problems

**Lexa POV**

 _Costia_ , her thoughts screamed loudly. _Costia._ Her presence made her whole body shiver uncontrollably. She was not even able to move. To think. To breathe. "Did you miss me?" To hear her voice felt like a flame burning her body from inside. Costia's brown familiar eyes focused on Lexa, on her younger sister Raven and finally on Lexa again. These brown eyes who used to make Lexa's heart beat faster made her heart stop right now. How was that possible? Lexa felt how Clarke squeezed her hand. She felt blue worried eyes staring at her but she could not react. The pain inside her chest made it nearly impossible to do so but Lexa took a deep breath. She died in my arms. I saw her die. I lost her.

 **Clarke POV**

It was not Lexa, who reacted first. It was Raven. "Costia!", she screamed under tears and moved towards her older sister. Clarke squeezed Lexa's hand and focused on her face. Her gaze then wandered over the group of her friends. They all stared at Costia and they had different facial expressions. _Shock, pain, confusion, skepticism. This can not be true. This is a trap._ Her instinct warned her before she could think about something else to do. "It's not her", she whispered to herself and then louder: "Lexa." Finally Lexa did move again, but instead of listening to Clarke, she went forward, towards Costia. For a short moment Clarke thought she wanted to pull Costia into a hug or something else, like Raven did, but then she recognized Lexa's gaze. It was impenetrable and – Clarke and Anya both grabbed one of Lexa's arms before she could do anything else – combative. Of course. This was Lexa. She was too clever to just believe what was going on here. "How is that possible?" Lexa's voice was cold but the ones who knew Lexa as well as Clarke could definitely hear that she had problems holding her feelings back. Pain. Confusion.

Meanwhile Clarke saw the way Costia looked at Lexa. She could not help but see something in this gaze that was satisfied, brisk and calculating. Lexa had been caught off guard by her appearance and Costia knew that. Costia recognized Lexa's inner conflict and she somehow liked it. Clarke immediately took a step forward, protectively, without saying anything. Octavia and Harper were still stuck in their shock.  
"Oh Lexa, didn't you learn one thing? You should know it by now. I mean you kinda experienced it yourself." Costia's voice was full of complacency when she paused to look at every detail she might be able to see of Lexa's inner turmoil. A premonition sent shivers down Clarke's spine. She knew what Costia was about to say but she did not want to hear it. She did not want to go through this again.  
"There is no death in the City of Light."

It took Clarke and Anya nearly one hour to bring Lexa home. She was all in a fluster. The others left the party, too, except for Raven, who wanted to stay with her sister and Octavia and Lincoln, who wanted to take care of Raven. They were not even able to talk to her about the possibility of a trap. ("I don't know what the fuck is going on here but I am definitely not leaving my sister now! I just got her back. Fuck off!") At least all the others seemed to see the true fear in Clarke's and the fighting spirit in Lexa's eyes after Costia mentioned something called 'City of Light'. They trusted them and followed them home where everyone gathered in the big living room of the Woods-house. The plans of the cosy get-together with candles at the shore was destructed. There were more important things to talk about.

 **Clarke POV  
**  
"You owe us an explanation!", Anya demanded and Clarke saw how Lexa leaned her back against the couch; her tense body reflected Clarke's feelings. "I mean City of Light? No death? What the hell? And why don't we get a word from what she said and you two act like this is the apocalypse?" It was an uncomfortable feeling. All eyes were on her and Lexa. "Because it might be worse than the apocalypse. I don't know why this has happened", Lexa started and Clarke listened, surprised by what she saw. _This is the Lexa she used to be. This is Lexa kom trikru. She was born to be the leader_ , Clarke thought. Lexa's voice sounded like the commander's voice again. Strong and clear.  
"Everyone here lived another life in another universe before we all came here. But instead of being reborn as other people we are all still the same. It sounds confusing but it is the truth." Their friend's facial expressions changed synchronically from disbelief to...what was that? They seemed to feel betrayed. "We didn't know it", Clarke jumped in before anybody else could say anything against Lexa's words. "We figured it out a few days ago. Lexa and I remembered everything that happened but we weren't sure why. I know it is hard to believe it. Trust me when I say I couldn't believe it either. That I got another chance to… to make things better. Well I thought that was the point. After tonight I changed my mind. And you all need to know what happened in our past."

Her statement was followed by a longer silence. Everyone in the room thought about what they just heard. Clarke could feel that Lexa was looking at her. They changed glances and crossed their fingers. _We should have told them_ , Clarke thought but as if Lexa thought the same, she just shook her head in response. _Maybe she is right. It would have confused them even more_ , Clarke added in mind when Harper finally broke the silence. The look of the dark-blonde was thoughtful, still confused but also a bit curious. "Tell us about the… past lives we had. Who were we? Where? And… what is the 'City of Light' you are so afraid of?" Clarke looked at Lexa but when her girlfriend nodded, she took a deep breath and continued to explain the story herself.  
"Some of us – including Bellamy, Octavia, Raven, Monty, Jasper, you Harper and me – we grew up in space. The humans needed to go up there after a big apocalypse contaminated the earth. It all started when 100 of us were send back to the earth to see if it is safe enough to live here again." Clarke tried to sound as calm as possible and just said the most necessary things to avoid the more confusing parts. "When we were down here, we had a tough start. But we loved the earth. We loved the freedom. And we thought this whole world was ours. Until…" – "Until you guys met my Grounders and had to learn that there were already other people on the earth", Lexa interrupted and stroked Clarke's arm to gently show her that she wanted to continue. Clarke leaned back and let Lexa go on. "I was the commander of 12 clans. Anya – you were my mentor back then, Lincoln was part of our people…" She stopped and swallowed. "And so was Costia. At first we all did not really like the fact that there were other people who kinda fell from the sky and tried to take land from us. We fought a lot, because that was our way. But some of us… we could say figured out that we needed each other. That peace is possible." Lexa focused on Bellamy. "Your sister took the first steps towards us, because of Lincoln." She then let her gaze wander around and stopped when she saw the familiar blue eyes of Clarke again, before she closed her own sea-green eyes. "Clarke followed her. You could say the relationship was…tense. It had good and bad times." Every one of their friends listened with growing tension. It really sounded so weird… so strange. Especially the space-part and the apocalypse. Clarke knew that it was hard to believe it but they really needed to. Other than Clarke and Lexa, they did not remember their past lives and the blonde wanted to know desperately why it was like that.

"How comes that you remember all that and we don't?", Bellamy asked. His facial expression showed Clarke that he found it hard to believe it, but he did not fully push the idea away that it might be true. He just needed some more facts. Proof. "Like we said, we don't really know..." – "Wait. Lexa." Clarke bit her lip, closed her eyes and thought about all the things that had happened in their former lives. Then finally her eyes opened up again and she looked like she really found something in her memories. "It must be the flame. The commander's spirit. It protected us from forgetting all these things while all the others forgot. I bet A.L.I.E. planned all this. I bet she is the one who pulls the strings in the background." It really made sense and Clarke saw, that Lexa thought exactly the same when she nodded in agreement. "Wait… A.L.I.E.? Commander's spirit?", Monty asked, even more confused now and Clarke knew that this might become one of the longest nights ever. …

 **Harper POV  
**  
It was really hard to believe all this. But it was even harder to find other explanations for Costia's 'comeback'. It was Friday now and Harper's brain still felt like breaking into many different pieces. They literally spent the whole night to talk about all the things they forgot and everyone had so many different questions that needed to be answered. And now Harper's brain was just overloaded with information. "Are you okay?", Monty asked, now that they eventually left the Woods-house to go back to Harper's home. "Yeah I'm fine. I mean it's just hard to believe it but I somehow have something inside me that tells me it's the truth. I don't know, it might just be a feeling", Harper answered and stopped before their garden gate. Monty nodded supportively to her words. "I know what you mean. I feel the same. And to be honest I am really worried about the A.L.I.E. stuff. I mean if it's really like that… that she is an artificial intelligence who found a way to control people's minds and make them forget…" He shook his head and stopped talking. It would be everything but good, Harper added in her mind. Unlike her, Monty was really good with all the computer-things and that he did not say it out loud did not really change a thing. She knew that it would be really dangerous if A.L.I.E. was real. "And what about the Costia-thing? Do you think it's possible that the A.I. is using her body because it is Lexa's and also Raven's weakness?", Harper went on and Monty nodded. "If you ask me it sounds logically. A.L.I.E. seems to know exactly how to get what she wants. They programmed her very well." Monty took a deep breath, grabbed Harper's hand and sighed afterwards. "Using people's weaknesses makes them do thoughtless actions."


	12. Chapter 12: You are my home

**I felt like adding a chapter with some more feelings between Clarke and Lexa. They need and deserve the love they have for each other... :)**

* * *

 **Clarke POV**

"Clarke? I'm worried." The blonde turned around and pointed on the free place next to her on the bed. Octavia followed the invitation and sat down next to her. "We all are", Clarke then answered. "That's not what I meant. I mean… our past lives, the 'City of Light'…all that. It is worrying. But I didn't actually talk about that. I talked about Raven. She is one of my best friends. I don't want her to be involved in things like that." Hearing Raven's name let the lump in Clarke's throat appear again. Since they met Costia the night before, Raven did not come home. Clarke stayed with Lexa and Clarke – as well as Octavia – tried to call Raven a hundred times. She neither picked up the phone nor called back. "What if this A.L.I.E. thing you and Lexa talked about is really the villain here? What if she is already… I don't know… torturing her? We don't even know what she wants. What if A.L.I.E. uses Costia to make Raven help her? Raven is intelligent but damn loyal to her family. I bet A.L.I.E. would want somebody like her." _Wow. It should not surprise me anymore, but Octavia knows exactly how things like that work_ , Clarke thought and sighed before she bit her lip again. Unlike Octavia who was worried about possible scenarios, Clarke was more than sure that A.L.I.E. was the one behind the strains; and that she tried to convince Raven to be on her side already. "I don't like the idea of Raven being in A.L.I.E.'s hands either. Trust me. And I hate to sit here and do nothing but wait for Raven to come back but what else can we do right now? We don't know anything about Costia's or A.L.I.E.'s – or whoever he or her is – intentions and plans. We actually do have nothing right now. Not even the answer to our biggest question. Why are we here? Why were we reborn? …Or whatever you wanna call it. Why?" _Why did we get a second chance? Why did I get Lexa back just to be back in the same situation? I can't lose her again. I just can't._ One thought chased the other. Her head was such a mess right now.

"Clarke, stop. You need to rest. Your face is as white as snow. We need you with all the strength you have. …You didn't sleep that well lately, did you?" Octavia's facial expression changed from alarmed to really worried within a second. "I'm gonna get you a glass of water or something, okay?" Now that Octavia mentioned it, Clarke really felt tired and most of the time even dizzy lately, but she always thought it was because of the many things she had in her head. Starting with her former life and ending with her worries about what will happen next. Plus her huge worry when it came to Lexa. _Is our time limited? Will I lose her again?_ The blonde felt a cold shiver running down her spine. But what if it was more than just the mess in her head? _Calm down, Griffin._ It was easier to say it than to actually do it… Clarke changed her position on Lexa's big bed and let herself sink back into the pillows. "Don't worry, I'm fine, Octavia", she finally answered but Octavia shook her head and before Clarke could protest again, Lexa entered the room. "She's right. You look tired, Clarke." – "I see you are in the best hands", Octavia said and went over to the door. "I will try to call Raven again", she said and closed the door behind her.

Clarke closed her eyes and felt the slight movement of the mattress the moment Lexa got into the bed and laid down next to her. Lexa did not say anything else, but Clarke knew that she watched her closely. She could also imagine the exact facial expression Lexa probably had. Her green bright eyes a bit narrowed, worried, and her beautiful lips thoughtfully pressed together – but just a little bit – while her eyebrows were probably knitted together. "Don't say anything, Lexa. I am fine. You guys are overreacting. I'll get a cold or something but that's nothing to worry about." Lexa stayed quiet and after a while Clarke opened her eyes to see the exact facial expression she imagined in her head before. „I know that you don't want to hear it but… as always you're driven to fix everything for everyone. But you can't do this alone. We need each other, Clarke. We fight together, that did not change. So listen to me whenever I tell you to rest. You can't take all the worries and everything else if you can't get enough sleep." Lexa's facial expression and her soft voice made Clarke shiver when she pulled Lexa closer to her and rested her head on Lexa's chest while the other one leaned herself against the wall. Still shivering she embraced Lexa's body with her arms. "I can't fall asleep 'cause I'm afraid you won't be there when I wake up. I'm afraid that it was only just a dream to have you back", she whimpered quietly. More unwillingly her hand moved over the part of Lexa's body were the wound of the bullet used to be in their former life. Her hand shivered even more than the rest of her body when she carefully pulled up Lexa's shirt and saw the small beauty mark, which had the exact form and height of a bullet-wound. With her fingers she traced the invisible lines of the beauty mark and swallowed hard. Lexa placed her hand over Clarke's and began gently to touch the blonde's face and hair with her free hand. "I'm not planning to leave you again. I might not be able to change my fate but I will always be with you. I will do everything to make that happen."

 **Lexa POV**

Lexa saw Clarke's cheeks quiver with the threat of tears, but before that could happen, Lexa's grip loosened and she kissed Clarke's lips. While she did that, she breathed in, filled her lungs with the smell of Clarke. The warmth was back. It truly felt like the only thing that was able to make her breathe and live at all. She reached for Clarke's hair once more and curled it around her fingers while her kisses became more passionate. Now that she kissed her again, she recognized how much she had missed Clarke. Her warmth, her scent, her touch and the feeling she caused whenever her lips touched Clarke's. Like a summer breeze that gently touched her lips. With a small but sure movement the blonde pressed her hips against Lexa's, but the brunette slowly ended the kiss and shook her head. "Clarke", she sighed within the kisses Clarke still placed on her lips, "You really need to rest", she murmured and shook her head. It was hard not to give in to the lust but Clarke's already half closed tired eyes and her irregular breathing were both definitely no sign of health this time. She saw how Clarke pressed her lips together, kinda disappointed, but Lexa could not let that happen right now. "I don't need to rest. I need you. Now. Lexa please…" Clarke's blue eyes made Lexa overthink everything for one second but even if Clarke begged her like that, she would never risk Clarke's health.

The hands of the blonde clung to Lexa's small shirt as she pulled herself closer, placing her upper body a bit on Lexa's. She curled her lips and bit them – concentrated – and Lexa knew immediately, that she would try to persuade her. "Nou get yu daun, Heda", Clarke whispered and her blue eyes sparkled confidently. When Lexa shook her head one more time and answered "But I am worried about you and I won't let that happen right now", Clarke moved away from her and rolled over to the other side to turn her back on Lexa. "Fine", she muttered in a huff, but Lexa gently pressed her chest against Clarke's back and wrapped her arm around the other one's waist. Clarke's body relaxed under the warm embrace. Lexa smiled and nudged her nose against Clarke's neck before she leaned over and gave Clarke a soft kiss on the cheek. She knew that Clarke was not really angry. Clarke always understood her actions. "Reshop, Lexa", Clarke finally mumbled and Lexa felt how the blonde's breathing became calmer when she entangled their fingers. "Good night, Clarke", she whispered back, but Clarke was already asleep.


	13. Chapter 13: You are my home ptII

**Warning!**  
Mature content in this chapter. Please just read it if you feel comfortable with content like that. Thanks! :)

* * *

 **Clarke POV  
**  
"No. I won't accept that! NO!", she screamed and jumped up. Tears were streaming down her face. "No…", she whispered once again and buried her face in her hands. It was the 4th time she had this dream now, but it still made her cry every single time. The dream brought her back to the day she saw Lexa die. The day she lost the love of her life. The day she lost the only one who really understood her. The mattress moved a bit when Lexa woke up and came back into a seated position. "Clarke?", she murmured sleepily with a worried voice when she saw that Clarke's cheeks were wet of tears. "Hey… What's wrong?" Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke's body and brushed the blonde hair out of her face. "Shhh… You're okay. You're safe", Lexa went on and placed her hand on Clarke's back to gently stroke it, using a circular motion while the other hand wiped the tears away. The whole room was covered in the dawning light of the early morning. It definitely helped Clarke to calm down, but she needed something else. She needed to really feel that Lexa was here. The blonde reached out for Lexa's body, pressed herself against it, buried her face in the wonderful brown waves and breathed in the familiar scent of Lexa.  
This time it was different. Clarke knew exactly, that Lexa could not resist her; especially now that Clarke needed her touch and her kisses so much. It was not typical for Clarke to lead Lexa on like that, but she could not stand it anymore. She moved closer and climbed on top of Lexa's body. Under her gentle touch Clarke could feel Lexa's reaction to the sudden change of her mood. It all started with soft kisses but they turned into more passionate ones the moment Lexa tangled her fingers in Clarke's blond hair to pull her closer.  
It did not take them long to get rid of their shirts and pants while their yearning for each other's closeness grew more and more. Clarke loved the feeling of her bare belly pressed against Lexa's and could not help but feel a shiver running down her spine when Lexa's fingernails fondled her hips and side – the skin under her bra. Clarke did not think before she let her tongue slip carefully between Lexa's lips. The satisfied groan of Lexa turned her on – her hands began to slowly massage Lexa's breast through her bra. She wanted more. She wanted everything. Lexa's grip strengthened around Clarke's hips the moment Clarke slipped her tigh between Lexa's. The brunette groaned satisfied again and gasped. To hear it again left Clarke breathless for one second. She untied the clasp of Lexa's bra and shivered when she felt Lexa's hands wandering up her back to do the same. To be so close to Lexa made her heart beat faster. The blond pressed her bare upper body against Lexa's and let out a moan with pleasure when their breasts clashed gently. Clarke kissed Lexa's neck and throat and felt her fast pulse. It pleased her to know that her touch, her kisses influenced the other one in this way. Without waiting any longer the blonde gently let her kisses wander downwards. Her eyes searched for Lexa's gaze before she did something else. Blue eyes met green eyes with an indescribable intensity.  
 _Love. I love her_ , Clarke thought and lowered her head again. Her mouth wrapped one of Lexa's nipples; her tongue lapped it gently. Lexa gasped one more time and released a quiet sound; her hand still tangled in Clarke's blonde hair. Clarke knew that Lexa was already close because she felt that Lexa was already wet against her thigh. With a small smirk she pressed her thigh between Lexa's again, this time with more gentle pressure. The other one's body arched at the pleasurable sensation and she started to groan again. Clarke doubled the pressure and moved her body upwards again to press her nose against Lexa's cheek. "Clarke…", Lexa groaned and squeaked, followed by some really cute breathy sounds. Her fingernails clung to Clarke's shoulder blade when the first orgasm finally washed through her body. Clarke smiled fetchingly and placed some kisses on Lexa's lips when she finally breathed out. Lexa had a soft facial expression that made Clarke's heart beat faster once more. When Lexa pulled her closer, Clarke placed her head on the other one's chest and closed her eyes. With her long fingers Lexa fondled Clarke's back and caused another wonderful shiver that ran down Clarke's spine. "I love you", the blonde breathed silently. It felt so right to be here with Lexa. To make her happy… to make her smile. She wanted Lexa to feel safe, to feel comfortable and wonderful. _'Lexa could rule a thousand suns, but bows before a single star.'_ That was a quote Octavia once said to her. This moment showed her how right her friend was. That Lexa – the strong and fearless commander – showed her weak side with her gave Clarke goosebumps all over again. She felt how Lexa embraced her upper body with her arms and placed a kiss on the bridge of her nose. "I love you, too, Clarke", she whispered before they went on with the wonderful experience. Their own little happiness in this short moment. For Clarke all that mattered was Lexa. Her beating heart. Her happy smile before she kissed Clarke. Lexa was the sun in the middle of Clarke's universe.

 **Octavia POV**

"Nothing", she murmured, laying down her phone and sighed when she saw Anya's clenched fists. "We can do nothing but wait." Octavia did not know why, but Anya looked like she would fight a whole army if that would bring Raven back. That Anya cared so much about somebody apart from Lexa was unusual. It probably took some time getting used to it. "Anya. Clarke and Lexa said the same. And so did Bellamy. I tried to call Raven a hundred times. Literally. And she didn't call back. She probably doesn't want to talk to any of us right now. I mean you don't have siblings but what would you do if…" – she thought about somebody that meant a lot to Anya, too, similar to a sister and quickly found a good example – "…let's say Lexa would die and come back after months of you missing her? They have many things to talk about, don't you think?" Anya's grey and cold eyes focused on Octavia but she nodded, although it did not please her to do nothing but wait. Octavia breathed in and squeezed Anya's arm. "Raven is intelligent. She will be fine. I just know that."  
– "When did you see her last? The night we met Costia?", Anya wanted to know and Octavia pulled her legs closer to her body. "Lincoln and I followed her and Costia but Costia wanted to talk to her alone. Raven told us to fuck off." – "And you just left her? Without even trying to change her mind?!" Anya's voice was ferocious, kinda frightening when she got up and went on walking from side to side. "Do you have one fucking idea how fucked up we are when the things Clarke and Lexa told us are true and they have Raven on their side?! DAMN Octavia! I trusted you! I trusted Lincoln! With Raven on their side they have the most intelligent mechanic ever. They will destroy us! They will... they will destroy Raven!" Octavia felt a terrible guilt in her stomach. Anya was right. She bit her tongue and tore her dark long hair. There was nothing she could say to change the situation. Nothing she could do to make things better right now.  
"Hey O! Where are you?" Octavia jumped up within a second and ran towards the front door, followed by Anya. Raven! Raven is back! "You're safe!" – "Of course I am, cutie", Raven slurred with a muzzy smile. She was drunk. Really drunk. When Anya reached for her body, Raven gladly leaned herself onto the other one's strong arms. Within a second, Octavia and Anya changed worried glances. It made no sense to ask her any questions; Raven was barely able to stand let alone answer their questions. "Let's bring her back to bed and as soon as she is sober again, she needs to tell us everything that happened."


	14. Chapter 14: Remember the pain

**Raven POV**

 _Ouch._ Her headache was about to kill her soon. Raven opened her dark-brown eyes and tried to find out where she was. It was dark, but the small ray of light that fell through the louver told her that the day was not over yet. With her arms she heaved herself into a seated position. Definitely not her own room but it looked kinda familiar. She let her gaze wander around, focused on the walls, the pretty furniture… It was one of the guest rooms in the Woods-house next door. "How the hell did I get here?", she asked herself loudly and raised her hand to press it against the hurting forehead. Her memories about the last night were nearly completely gone. The last thing she remembered was talking to Costia. _Costia… Is she really back?_ What if Raven just dreamt everything? _Damn alcohol._ With the feeling of growing panic in her stomach she grabbed her mobile phone and checked her messages. _Holy fucking Zero-G-mechanic_ , she thought. _Wait. Where did that come from?_ Raven shook her head and regretted it a second later because it brought back the nausea. 23 calls from Octavia, 12 from Clarke, 16 from Anya and a thousand messages.

Raven opened her chats and held her breath when she saw a single message of her sister. It was a simple 'Did you get home safely?' but still, the fact that she did not dream gave her goosebumps. _She is really back._ Raven put down her phone and smiled happily, sinking back into the pillows and was still influenced by a weird feeling of happiness. Lightness. Before she could think about something else, the door opened and somebody slipped in carefully. Raven pretended to be asleep and peered through her nearly closed eyes. It was Anya. With three more quiet steps Anya came closer and put down a bottle of water and a pill – probably one of these wonderful miracle cures the older one always had for headache. Raven expected her to leave right after but for some reason she stayed a little longer. The dark-haired girl did not dare to open her eyes. Not as long as she still felt Anya's gaze on her. When Anya finally turned around to go, Raven breathed in. "Thank you", she whispered and saw Anya wince in surprise. "You're awake", Anya said and picked up her courage within a few seconds. _Like always. She never shows any weaknesses. Probably the reason Lexa is like that, too._ "I'm awake." The dark-blonde went back to the bed and sat down on the edge of it, next to Raven's legs. She felt uncomfortable, that was obvious. Raven saw that she gave her a short look before she incidentally eyed the rest of the room.  
"Are you alright?" Her voice sounded neutral but her eyes told Raven otherwise. – "I'm good. I mean... no. Actually my head is killing me." With an easy movement Anya grabbed the pill and the bottle of water and handed it over to Raven who smiled thankfully, before she took the pill. "Must have been a lot of alcohol yesterday", she mumbled and closed her eyes. – "Must have been?" – "Yeah. I mean… I don't really remember." – "You don't really remember?" – "Anya, are you gonna repeat everything I say now?" The dark-blonde lowered her gaze and Raven immediately had the feeling that something about her friend was different. As if she was deep in thoughts about something Raven was not able to understand. "Hey, I'm just teasing you", she assured and placed her hand on Anya's wrist for a second. Anya lifted her head again and narrowed her eyes. There she was again – the cold, reserved girl with the hard facial expression. "When you look like that I am never sure if you're gonna kill somebody in a few seconds, or…", Raven continued with a smile and stopped, when Anya's eyes narrowed a bit more. "Guess that's just your grounder-warrior-look. I mean you trained the great commander of the twelve clans, Anya kom trikru. You should have heard what Clarke thought about you after you two first met on the bridge. Guess you do have some skills yourself." Anya gasped. _Wait. Where did that come from?_ Raven saw her own confusion reflected in Anya's facial expression. "Raven… you…" – Here brown eyes were opened wide now. "Yes. I remember."

 **Clarke POV**

"So you think it had something to do with meeting Costia?" – "Possible. I mean it happened before. If it's the A.I. again she might have changed Raven's memories. We don't know anything. She might be able to listen to everything we say right now already." – "Guys. It's Costia. We are talking about Costia. She's my sister!" Clarke saw Raven's desperate gaze that was focused on Lexa. "You know her, Lexa. She wouldn't do something like that! We trust her!" The discussion between the friends was intense. Now that Raven remembered her past as the Zero-G-mechanic Raven Reyes of the Arc-Station all the others wanted to know how this happened. And they all wanted their memories back.

Clarke saw how Lexa struggled with herself. To be honest it was like that since they met Costia the other night. Clarke could see that Lexa tried to stay neutral. That she tried to stay realistic. _She tries to see and decide everything with her head not her heart._ But Clarke also knew that it was nearly impossible for Lexa to do so. Lexa and Costia had a strong bond. Clarke never really asked Lexa for more. It was painful for Lexa; she saw it in her eyes. _She is not the commander here but she still acts like that_ , Clarke recognized. The blonde swallowed and bit her lip. Lexa's eyes searched for Clarke for a second before she shook her head to Raven's words. "I see Costia's body but not her. It's not her." Clarke swallowed again and took a step towards Lexa. She raised her hand to touch Lexa's arm. Clarke wanted to calm her down, support her, but instead of doing that, she let her hand sink right after she had raised it. This was complicated. Since they became so close in Polis… since Clarke started to trust Lexa again after her betrayal in Mount Weather, Clarke never doubted Lexa's feelings for her. The commander of the twelve clans was different, when she was with her. She was not the commander… just Lexa. _My Lexa. A wonderful, calm, lovely and emotional Lexa._ This thought helped her to calm herself down.  
 _But something has changed… Costia is alive now_ , Clarke kept reminding herself. Clarke really loved Lexa but she was not sure if it was egoistical to think that Lexa needed to stay with her. _What if she wants to be with Costia? She has the possibility now. Lexa's mine_ , her heart screamed but Clarke hid her feelings under her façade. Lexa did not look at Clarke again but she suddenly grabbed her hand, as if she needed the contact to Clarke. Clarke took a deep breath and stroked the back of Lexa's hand with her thumb. _What we have is special. Lexa is special. I will always be with her as long as she wants me to be there._ "We need a plan", Anya jumped in and Clarke recognized, that the dark-blonde placed her hand on Raven's shoulder to calm her down or something.

Instead of holding herself back, Raven was about to explode. Clarke could see it in her eyes. Raven was too righteous, too loyal to just keep quiet when it came to her sister and the possibility of betrayal. "She would NEVER betray us. Not Costia!", she insisted and challenged everyone with her serious and angry gaze. Clarke and Lexa exchanged looks; Clarke then released her hand, stepped forward and sat down next to the mechanic on the couch. She placed her hand on Raven's arm, withstood her angry eyes and saw finally what she was looking for. The reason for Raven's behavior was her pain. _She lost so much. Finn. … Costia._ Clarke sighed and squeezed her arm. _I'm here for you. We all are_ , her blue eyes said and Raven nodded nearly invincibly in response but the blonde saw it.  
"You are right, Raven. Costia would not betray us. But A.L.I.E. would", Clarke said. Due to the reaction of her friends she knew, that this was exactly what everyone thought but no one wanted to say out loud.  
"I'm so done with A.L.I.E." Raven closed her eyes and they released a single tear.


	15. Chapter 15: Trust and mistrust

**Costia POV**

 _I want you to go on like that. Earn their trust. Entangle Lexa. Raven. They are weak when it comes to you. Their love for you is their weakness and we will use it._

 _Yes A.L.I.E._

 _Costia. The City of Light might have been destroyed but with the help of all the people it is nearly back to it's former glory. This will change people's lives. The life of everyone who is worth it. No more pain, no more death. We will all live in peace. I know that this is what you and Lexa worked for – together – right? And you still love her._ __

 _Lexa…_ Costia closed her eyes and clenched her hands while she eyed the A.I. in front of her closely. After all this time it was still kinda weird to talk in mind but A.L.I.E. wanted it that way, in case somebody tried to listen to them. _I still love her_ , Costia eventually confirmed and nodded.

 _Then do what I say and she will be yours in the end._

_Will the others be harmed? What about…_

 _Raven? Oh Costia please don't tell me you have a thing for her now. She is not your real sister. Their whole life here is nothing but a construction of another universe that keeps them busy while we plan our nexts steps. Don't you remember our plans, Costia?_ __

 _I do remember them._

 _Then you should know that there will be sacrifices. Every big change for the better needs sacrifices._

 **Clarke POV**

"You are barely home lately, Clarke. I mean I am glad you found friends but your home is downtown. You need to use your bed from time to time, you know? You already stayed there for two days and now you don't even want to come home for the weekend?" Clarke's grip around her mobile phone became tighter. _Wrong mum, my home is where my heart is. With Lexa._ Clarke swallowed. _She sounds so desperate._ It was not like she did not understand her mum. They just moved here and all she did was spending her time with Lexa and her friends while her mum worked at the hospital all day long. They barely saw each other. On the other hand she just could not go back to their house for the weekend and pretend to live her normal life while Lexa needed her so much. Everyone here counted on Clarke. _I can't leave Lexa alone. Not right now._ "Mum." – "No. Clarke, listen. I took a day off so that we could spend some time together. We could search for the best café here or…I don't know. Spend some time in the park… Whatever you want to do." Clarke bit her lip and sighed soundless while she closed her blue eyes. "I'm sorry, Mum. I didn't know that you took a day off for me. I can't come home this weekend. We already have plans and some school things to do…" _She recognizes every single lie._ "Clarke I just want to do this right. I know that we both had hard times. Since…" – "I'm sorry I can't talk any longer. See you on Sunday, Mum." Clarke did not even wait for her mum's answer before she hung up. _Since Dad died_ , she added in her mind and tried to get rid of the feeling that her throat was constricted.  
 _I finally am happy again. I got Lexa back. More than I ever expected. And then A.L.I.E. or whoever he or she is comes back and destroys it all. Don't I deserve better than that? I can't even see my own mum anymore. I need to protect her from everything this time. I can't let things happen again._ The blonde pulled her legs closer to her body and wrapped them with her arms when the door slowly opened and Lexa slipped in. Clarke neither reacted nor looked at Lexa, she just stared at the wall in front of her, still deep in thoughts. Lexa went over to Clarke and sat down next to her. "Are you okay?", she asked carefully and placed one hand on Clarke's upper leg. The blonde knew exactly that Lexa was totally aware of the mixed feelings Clarke had. Once again her eyes told so much more than her words. "I'm not okay. How can I be before we finally destroy whatever the thing is this time", the blonde answered and finally moved again to look at Lexa's face. _She's so wonderful. Her eyes are bright and so soft. Compassionate._ Clarke raised her hand and touched Lexa's cheek. _It is no dream. She is still here with me_. "Don't be afraid, Clarke." Lexa placed her hand over Clarke's and clung her cheek to the palm of the other one's hand for a second.  
"A.L.I.E. wants a life without pain for everyone. Without death. But if you ask me it is no real life anymore without taking risks. Without limits like the death. We shouldn't be afraid if death is our fate. Instead of being afraid I chose to fight for all the things I want and love. My people. My ideals. …" Lexa struggled with herself again. _She shows what she calls her 'weakness'._ "You, Clarke. I chose to fight for you." Clarke gasped when a shiver ran down her spine. "Do you even know why I swore fealty back when we were in Polis?" This question surprised Clarke. She honestly thought about it many times until now but she never found the answer that seemed to be right. Lexa's bright eyes stayed soft but they sparkled with something that looked like… belief? "I know that you think I did it because of my people. Because you were Wanheda and I needed you. And yes, I needed Wanheda's strength. But Clarke… there was always one part of me that needed you. Not the commander of death. You. I swore fealty, because you make people change their selves for the better. You raise hope. You give people something to believe in… to fight for. Clarke." Lexa's hands found their way up to Clarke's face and she gently brushed the blonde hair away. "You made me live again. Love. You deserve every single one who wants to follow you." Her heart was about to explode. Once again, the commander of the twelve clans – no – Lexa… Lexa stopped her heartbeat and left her breathless. Clarke pulled Lexa into a hug and buried her face in Lexa's brown waves. They stayed like that for a while, held each other, listened to their heartbeats as they synchronized. While they held each other, Lexa stroked Clarke's back gently with her hand. Clarke felt how she finally calmed down in Lexa's arms. Her breathing became calmer, her body relaxed and she was able to let herself go.  
"Are you happy?" Clarke eventually moved backwards to face Lexa again. She needed to know it. She needed to make sure that this was exactly what Lexa wanted and what made her happy for the rest of her life.

"Happy? Clarke I am more than just happy. I can't describe what I feel for you. But it changed me. You changed me. For the better." – "I just… I mean..." – "Clarke. Talk to me." – "It's about Costia." Lexa took a deep breath and entangled one finger in Clarke's blonde hair while she softly looked back at Clarke. It was like she already expected a situation and a conversation like that, but although Lexa probably prepared herself for this, she did nothing else but answer as honestly as possible and without trying to sugarcoat anything. "I loved her and she still means a lot to me. I'd lie if I would tell you otherwise. But I don't think about her as my lover anymore. More like a good friend I lost along the way. And what I feel for you… It's completely different. It's intense. I never felt like this before, not even with Costia. You are special and what we have is special. I would never want to go back to where I was without you. I'd never leave you for Costia, because you are what I've been looking for since I lost my faith in love and happy-endings. You are actually so much more than what I've been looking for."  
Clarke knew immediately that this was the truth. Lexa would never lie to her about a topic like that – not if she had the chance to talk to Clarke in private like now. It was a weird feeling to hear something like that from her. Weird but also probably the most amazing words she ever heard.  
 _Love is not weakness. Love is strength._ It meant so much to actually hear these words from Lexa although Lexa's love was always present through her actions. But it was in Clarke's nature that she needed to make sure Lexa chose what she really wanted this time. What her heart told her and not her head.  
With a small smile on her face she nodded under tears and gave Lexa a short kiss that made the other one smile, too. _She bows before a single star.  
_  
 **Lexa POV**

 _I bet Titus would hate this_ , she thought and swallowed relieved before she smiled back at Clarke. Lexa finally had the courage to tell Clarke all those things that were in her head; all those things that needed to be said already. Her feelings for Clarke were deeper than everything she ever felt before and Clarke should never be afraid to lose Lexa to Costia again. Costia was a wonderful girl and when Lexa was younger, barely even the commander; she fell deeply in love with Costia, who made her feel like she was the most wonderful little grounder-girl on the earth. It helped her to push her self-conscience, to stay strong and to move forward, whatever Anya wanted her to do, but this deep connection to Clarke… she never had this with Costia. A strong bond – yes – they were kinda unbeatable when they were together – but it was different from her situation now.  
"You're speechless now, aren't you?" – "Because it's just so incredible that you chose me to be yours." – "I told you my spirit would choose wisely. No seriously Clarke…Get used to it, you're mine", Lexa chuckled amazingly cute and kissed Clarke's cheek. "Let's go to the farm now. I could need some distance from all these things including Costia, A.L.I.E. and all that."


	16. Chapter 16: Codes and reality

I know that I did not upload anything for many days now. I was really busy with my real-life and the free time I had I spent with my horse - Honey - at the farm. Hihi...Yes - Lexa's and Clarke's horses in this story - Honey and Jack - were both inspired by two of the horses that mean a lot to me. Especially Honey would be a perfect Heda-horse with her fast gallop. :P

Anyways - enjoy the next chapter and I hope I will be able to write the 17th soon!

 **May we meet again!**

* * *

 **Raven POV**

 _This one. Space. Code. Code. Space. Enter key. And again this code._ She sat in front of her computer in the office of the Blake-house and stretched her arms when she saw the outcome. "Damn it. Not working! Again." Raven let out a desperate and sort of angry sigh and tensed her jaw muscles. "Come on Reyes, do what you did the last time." – "They say that talking to yourself is the first sign of madness." Raven raised a brow and turned her head when she heard Octavia's voice from behind. "Says the one who fell in love with our greatest enemy – the grounders. I mean they are no enemies anymore but still", she shrugged and saw the bottle of orange-juice Octavia now handed over to her. "I thought you might be thirsty. I mean Anya said it would be better to not disturb you, but you stayed in here for hours now. And Clarke and Lexa went to the farm, Lincoln and the others are at their soccer match or something and I just…" – "You were bored." – "Got me, Reyes." Raven grinned and drank a sip of the juice. _Mhmmmm._ "I'd say Anya was right when she said do never disturb Raven Reyes when she tries to solve a problem with her computer but let's just say I will accept that for now 'cause you got me orange-juice." The mechanic pointed on the seat next to her and focused on her screen again. "There must be something I missed. I mean… with A.L.I.E. How comes that she is here again although Clarke used the kill-switch? It should have killed her, you know." Octavia sat down next to Raven and eyed the computer codes on the screen. Her confused look showed in an obvious way how she thought about it. "Sorry but I don't speak the mechanic-language", Octavia confessed as if it was not obvious already and leaned back on her chair. The mechanic typed some more codes, sighed again and eventually looked at her friend again. "You probably don't remember but you used to speak trigedasleng, you know? The language of the grounders. You were the first one to do so. Of the Skypeople. I have to confess that I was really impressed by that back then." Raven saw that Octavia was deeply in thoughts from time to time and right now was a moment like that. _I bet she wishes to remember it all. Octavia kom skaikru…_ "I don't remember", Octavia said and sighed sadly. "I will find out what is behind all this. Promise. I just need some time." _Code. Code. Why isn't this working? I remember all the things I typed in the last time. The kill-switch._ … "This is frustrating", Raven rumbled and stretched her arms. Octavia stared at the codes – again – and bit her tongue. "Not sure what it is but I missed something. One single code or something like that…", Raven went on and clenched her fists. _Come on, remember everything._

 **Octavia POV**

 **** _I don't even know what she's up to but …_ "If I were A.L.I.E. I wouldn't use the same codes again. I mean she knows exactly, that you were the one who found the kill-switch last time, right? At least that's what you told me. And I don't know that much about your codes and the computer-language but IF it is possible – I don't know – she probably uses something else. Another kind of… code?" – "This is it. I didn't.." Before she said something else, Raven typed in a few codes and changed something Octavia did not understand. She clicked here and there, typed and typed for a few quiet minutes. It was weird but her facial expression lightened more and more with every code she typed. Then finally, Raven smiled brightly and pulled Octavia into a surprisingly tight hug. "Oh. My. God. Octavia I love you! You are a genius! You are the best of the best!" – "Wait what, I didn't do anything, I just.." As a quiet but convincing answer Raven hugged her even tighter and placed a kiss on Octavia's cheek. "Raven, I can't breathe, let me go you mad mechanic!", Octavia ordered and finally was set free, although Raven still smiled like she was about to set a new world record. "Will you now tell me what you found or will you kill me first by hugging me too tight?" Octavia raised her brow and involuntarily had the typical warrior's gaze again. As if that was already her natural look. The one she had back when she was Indra's second. It seemed to work in this world, too, because Raven became more serious again and nodded.  
"She is still intelligent but even an A.I. like her can't hide something from Raven Reyes." Her complacent smile nearly made Octavia laugh – but the situation was way too intense for that. 

_What did she find?_ Raven breathed in and Octavia was about to explode because of the growing tension and curiousness. The mechanic raised her gaze again and looked directly at the girl in front of her. "I think I finally know why we are here. I found the important information I searched for the whole time."

 **Lexa POV**

"Say it." – "No." – "Clarke." – "Fine. You're the best. You won 4 times in a row now. I got it. You and your horse, best team ever. I will never beat you, and I will never again underestimate Heda's small horse Honey again. Being small doesn't mean being slow." The smile on Lexa's face widened while she listened to Clarke's words and gently stroked the neck fur of her horse – Honey. When Clarke rolled her eyes, she let her gaze wander over the area again and chuckled quietly.  
"Jack is still the best horse", Clarke then added a bit more quiet and grinned in a cheeky way, totally aware of the fact that the other one heard her, but Lexa did not look at her anymore. She focused on the landscape and seemed to be somewhere else. "I knew you would like him", she said and breathed in. Salty sea-air… A small breeze touched their faces and made the manes of the horses move gently from side to side. Lexa knew that Clarke focused on her; she felt her gaze on her skin. Lexa's skin prickled pleasantly. They were here – together – on their horse's backs and enjoyed the moment. Lexa turned her head and returned Clarke's look. The blue eyes… they always had something special in them. Lexa lost herself in them although she also found everything she ever searched for. Both things at the same time. It felt like being able to read Clarke's mind from time to time. _Everything changed for us. We are here. We were safe for a few moments. Clarke is with me. I have to protect her this time, even if that means to sacrifice myself. I'd die for her._  
"What are you thinking of?", Clarke wanted to know and Lexa knew, that the blonde was aware of her inner conflicts. "It's nothing." – Lexa felt how Clarke reached out and touched the back of her hand before she entangled their fingers. "Lexa… please. I see right through you." _Right. She always knew so much more than I told her._ "Let's go back. It feels wrong to not focus on beating our enemies", Lexa answered shortly and swallowed, before she propelled Honey. She knew that Clarke did not want the moment to end right now – and neither did she want to end it herself – but as always, Lexa put the safety of their people over her happiness. Over everything that did not help to fight this war.

When Clarke and Lexa finally got home – the Woods-house – they saw that everyone already gathered in the huge kitchen to eat whatever Harper prepared for them. The day was nearly over and everyone was hungry. Harper herself still stood in front of the stove and stirred something inside the saucepan that smelled like mashed potatoes, while Bellamy fried a few pieces of meat in the frying pan. Meanwhile Lincoln set the table while Monty, Jasper, Octavia, Raven and Anya discussed a topic that seemed to be really intense. Lincoln placed a calming and warm hand on Octavia's shoulder the moment Clarke and Lexa entered. It could have been a normal evening; supper with friends. They usually chose one out of the houses – Blake or Woods – for supper and gathered there while somebody cooked for the whole group, but today the atmosphere was different. Tense. "Finallyyy! Since when are your mobile-phones broken?", Raven asked and Anya gasped relieved. "I thought you two would never come back. Raven and Octavia found something you need to know. And we called you guys a hundred times."  
 _Wow. Didn't take them long to bring us right back into reality_ , Lexa thought and sighed quietly.


	17. Chapter 17: Death and memories

**Chapter 17: Death and memories**

 **Lexa POV**

"Wait… Say that again", Anya ordered and continued herself: "She created a whole new universe and new lives for all of us and it is all fake? I mean it is unreal? And we are still back in Polis we just can't remember?" Lexa was at least as confused as Anya, if not even more confused than all of them together. She saw the reflection of her own confusion in the other one's eyes. Only Raven herself seemed to see right through everything. "I told you it's complicated. Genius. And definitely worst case but yes. Genius. Something like that, actually", Raven answered and Octavia stepped in: "Raven seriously. Details? And please use normal English or your explanations will kill us all." _Thanks Octavia. That's exactly my opinion._ "Fine. Listen up. It is somehow like a second version of the City of Light." Everyone sighed and Bellamy clapped his hands, saying "wow, it's not like we had enough problems already" but Lexa ended him by cutting him a look. Meanwhile Raven breathed in again and continued. "I wouldn't be surprised if she would call it 'earth of light' or something." Raven let her gaze wander over everyone but Lexa recognized, that she focused mainly on Anya, Lincoln and Lexa herself, before she said: "And there is no death on the 'earth of life'."

Clarke immediately grabbed Lexa's hand as if she feared a sudden disappearance and Lexa entangled their fingers before she stroked the back of Clarke's hand. But Clarke's whole mood seemed to have changed within a second, now that Raven mentioned the fact, that some of them died in their former lives. _We died and now we are back here. I thought it was a second chance but what if…_  
"I know what you want to say, Clarke. But no. I don't know why Lexa, Anya and Lincoln are back. I just don't." Raven's voice was understanding. _She knows pain, probably even better than all of us_ , Lexa thought and turned her head towards Clarke. It nearly broke her heart to see the pain in the blonde's blue eyes. _The pain that was caused by my death and all the things she went through._  
"Why is that special? That we are here, I mean." Lincoln's hand was back on Octavia's shoulder but this time it seemed as if he wanted to calm himself down instead of calming Octavia.  
"It is special because we died in our former lives. You, me and Anya, too", Lexa raised her voice and said out loud what Clarke and Raven already knew. Her statement was followed by a shocked silence. Even Bellamy who always had an opinion on everything was too shocked to even react with anything else but a gasp. Lexa exchanged a glance with Clarke. A glance full of longing, pain, desire, love and so much more Lexa was not able to put into words. It was an 'I need you', 'I can't lose you again', 'please stay with me' and so much more all at the same time just by looking into each other's eyes.  
It was Anya who found her voice first of all.

"How did it happen?", she wanted to know. "How did we die? Did we fight in a war or…?" Lexa bit her lip and Clarke closed her eyes as if only the imagination of all the deaths brought her right back there – and it was obvious that she did not want to go back there ever again. But as always she surprised Lexa with her inner strength, when she started to tell Anya what happened. Her memories. "We teamed up, you and I. After we fled from a common enemy called 'Mountain Men'. We wanted to end the war between the Skypeople – my people – and the Trikru – your people. You did everything to get back to Lexa to tell her everything but I convinced you to come with me to Arcadia first so that we could talk about a solution. We made it there and you agreed with a gathering between your leader and mine before you turned around and were shot by one of the Skypeople.

They thought you were a threat to me, which is actually no excuse for just shooting somebody but that's how it happened." Anya nodded and leaned back. _She is not satisfied with that story. Typical. The Anya I know wanted to hear that she fought the biggest war and sacrificed herself for everyone else so that her people won the whole war._ Lexa could read that in Anya's facial expression but the other one did not respond to Clarke's story. "Lincoln was shot, too", Raven continued after a few seconds of silence. "You sacrificed yourself to rescue a few other grounders who were sick and would have been killed without your sacrifice." Octavia nodded with some sparkle in her eyes that looked like tears, but her gaze said something like 'sounds like Lincoln, I am so proud' instead.  
"Pike did it. Back in our former lives – if we can still call it that – he used to be chancellor of the Skypeople for some time", Lexa herself added. The atmosphere was tense. Weirdly. Talking about the death of close ones while exactly these people are around was something that did not happen daily. Especially Octavia was influenced by the things she heard. The brunette lowered her head and breathed fitfully, until Lincoln sat down next to her and stroked her back with rhythmic movements of his hand. _Although she doesn't remember her former life, she probably remembers the pain. Or at least she can imagine what it would feel like to lose Lincoln. It's really frightening to imagine losing any of my friends here. Why did that happen? If Raven is right A.L.I.E. created this all which means she also created our friendship, right? No. She couldn't have created these strong bonds._

"Seems like the Skypeople weren't the best guys back then. I mean shooting both Anya and Lincoln? Without any good reason? Why was I even part of that group of people, seriously", Harper asked and shook her head as if she finally recognized that her own people made really big mistakes. _We all made mistakes, that's part of the human nature. Especially in a war._ "The Skypeople weren't bad. Pike was. And some others who thought they could start a war just because they didn't knew the grounders. It was all about misunderstandings and insecurity because they never tried to get to know each other", Raven interposed and was about to go on, but Clarke lifted her gaze, her face growing pale before she said: "To be honest Lexa's death was my fault. She died because of me."


End file.
